The countdown has begun, for real.
There are now twenty days between where I am right now, and leaving this place for a full seven months. That is not to say that I wont come back and visit, but it’s still not the same as being home.
I wont try to lie and say that I’m not scared, because I am. I’m afraid of being alone, I’m afraid of being lonely. I’m afraid that things will become different while I’m gone. I’m worried that things wont go the way they’re supposed to, or that I wont learn well enough, maybe that I wont find a dance studio.
And at the same time I’m excited. I have so much to learn, and I’m so ready to learn it. I know that Justin and I would both be so busy at the same time, we would probably do nothing but make eachother upset. I have never lived on my own before, and it might be nice to do whatever I want, just because I can. It might be nice to fill my time all the time, or do nothing all the time.
I miss my family, and I can’t wait to be going home for christmas. I bought my tickets, the plans are made, all that’s left is the time between now and then.
I just remembered something Justin said to me once. “Six days. Seven days? That’s an eternity, but six….six days is just a breath away.” Now I’m all warm and fuzzy feeling inside. I wish he weren’t at an all-nighter tonight. I’m starting to feel panicky and need to be with him more and more. I don’t want to do that smother thing, but I really don’t want leave and realize that we didn’t spend any time together before I left.
Ok. Enough now. Worry more later. 🙁