I can say, with some authority, that for the last five years of my life I have been lonely.
I am sure everyone else out there knows what it’s like to be lonely. I’m sure that sometimes I’m probably really just bored. But when I sat down and realized the fact that I am alone all day, every day during the week, and all by myself in a hotel on the weekends… it hit me pretty hard.
I was lonely in Arkansas because I was literally all alone. I didn’t have any real friends, I didn’t have anyone who loved me, and I was living in an apartment all by myself. I had work every day, and ballet every night, and the minute there was nothing going on, I would just sit down and cry. I called my mom every single day just to hear her voice. I watched movies one right after the other. I emailed just about everyone I knew or had known in the past to open up lines of communication so I wouldn’t feel so alone. I /cleaned/.
Strangely enough, when I’m lonely here, I don’t clean.
I’m really keeping my fingers crossed about this job. If I’m working seven days a week, sure, that will be rough. But at least I wont be home alone, and lonely. The times that I’m home when Brock gets home are wonderful. So life would be good.
Life would be so good!
I never imaged that I would be a featured blogger. I actually made a blog a few weeks ago about how I only blog for myself and those close to me that I know read it.
I can’t believe the outpouring of support. I can’t believe how many people care enough about what they’ve read to leave positive thoughts and comments. Thank you to all of you who are thoughtful enough, kind enough, or have gone through it yourself for long enough to leave a note.
I would like to add, just for my personal sake – I am not depressed. I’m not suicidal. And I’m not “alone.” I am loved by very many people, and I know it. I have many people that care about me, and today I was just overwhelmed by the fact that none of them are here.
Thank you for your support, and your advice. Even to those of you that have pointedly expressed that I am probably just swimming in my own pool of self pity, thank you. Sometimes it does take dose of the tough love to bring you back to center.
Someone asked why I would begin this blog with, “I can say with some authority…”?
Really, all I can think of is… Who else has the authority to say but me? 🙂
With so many comments being made about pets, I would just like to quickly point out that I actually have two: a 12 week old kitten named Wash, and a 10 month old puppy named Flint. There are pictures in my Photo Blog. I love them to pieces. 🙂