Growing up is lonely.
I’m not really saying that I’m grown up, or that I’m lonely. I guess that doesn’t make sense. What am I saying then? I guess it’s just that as I grow older, I also grow farther away from the people I care about. For example:
My parents. They live in Canada. I try to get up there to see them at least once a year. That sounds nice, right? But once a YEAR? Honestly, I love my parents so very much, and I was the type of girl that would buy the house down the street just so I could see them every day. Now I’m LUCKY if I see them once a year. And in the entire time I’ve lived in the States, they haven’t come to see me once. This really means that in the last 4 years, I’ve seen them less than 5 times.
My best friend, Crystal. She also lives in Canada. However, she doesn’t live anywhere near my parents… so it’s not a one-stop-shop kind of trip. If I get to see Crystal, it’s because one of us made some major effort along the way. Honestly, since we graduated high school in 2001, we’ve seen each other three times. That makes me so very sad to write that. Only three times. I want so desperately for her and Daisy to come and visit me, just to get to see them, but I know the likelihood of that actually happening is so so slim.
My best friend, Kristin. She lives in Chicago, and is about to move back to Sioux Falls. In January of 2005, I moved to Rogers, Arkansas. She drove down to see me one time, and I drove up to see her several. Since then, we haven’t had the chance to visit. As a matter of fact, we rarely talk any more. Somehow, our friendship got left along the wayside.
My sister in law, and best friend, Dee. She lives in Sioux Falls. She is planning on moving to Chicago. She used to live in Pittsburgh. I imagine I last saw her at Christmas of 2004. I can’t remember if she was in Sioux Falls for my Graduation or not. I still love her and miss her so much, and yet I feel like our friendship is slipping away. I guess that is to be expected, because – as is the purpose of this blog – our lives have taken different paths, and we no longer have a mutual connection. It still hurts.
There are so many more examples. I was lying in bed thinking about this last night. I was thinking about how hard it is to make new friends. How much I don’t want to try to find a new buddy, because really all I want are the friends I already have. My mind makes some desperate analogy about shoes, and how your old comfy ones will always be better, but new ones can be fun too… These aren’t shoes. They are people. And relationships aren’t worn out shoes either.
I miss my friends.
*** As an aside, I posted some of my favorite pictures that I’ve taken in recent and not so recent years.