I am baby crazy.
These last few days I have been completely surrounded by baby… and deliriously happy because of it. Getting up at 6am, bottles, diapers, baths and toys. Crying, laughing, smiling, snoozing. Edward is one of the happiest, easiest going babies I have ever seen.
I am sometimes surprised at the ease and comfort with which mothers leave their babies with me. Hayley left me with Gatlin for a week. Lianne told me she was so comfortable with me watching Kiera, even though everyone else makes her nervous. Thomas and Heather don’t even hesitate to take off when I’m with Edward – they say they know he’s in good hands. I don’t have any kids, though. I’ve never been a mom. I’ve been a mom-wanna-be for as long as I can remember. Any time there are babies around, I need to be involved. Being an ultrasound tech just makes everything a little bit worse, because I get to be around all of the women that are about to become mothers. And the jealousy is palpable. Regardless of that, I seem to have an ease around children that make mothers think I’m very competent. Don’t get me wrong! I’m not saying that I’m not. I’m just always surprised when someone doesn’t seem to mind letting me babysit their infant… surprised, and of course, deliriously happy.
I can’t wait to have my own. I was supposed to be a mom by now. I feel like time is passing, and I’m being left behind. Everyone gets so sick of hearing it, and I tell Brock how much I want a baby every single day. And then I feel guilty, because I am so annoying about it. Sometimes I wish I could turn it off.
I just keep trying to remind myself that it will happen eventually, and the more I worry about it, the more I end up upsetting myself. Things happen in a certain order, right? Love, Marriage, Babies? Well, we’ve got the first one locked down. Time takes us forward to the others. Time just keeps passing.