I’m going to try writing this from work.
I’m using my laptop and Microsoft Word. Hopefully it will work out.
I, first, wanted to thank everyone for your kind words and support. My mom has me pegged… I need to talk about things to make them go away. I need to share them, spread the grief, and have a little help from every direction. I feel blessed that I didn’t go to sleep last night remembering my day. I’m thankful that I had the chance to make things right in my mind. I am still sad, I still hurt for that mother, but I know she will be ok. I know that it was for the best.
Second! Today was a much better day! I am only at noon, and to say that is sort of a risk… but I have to share this story as well.
My first week here, I was asked by the doctors to do a quick “cervical length” check. The patient was a beautiful young looking Irish woman, and she had her husband with her. They were worried that she was having signs of premature labor, and wanted to check that she hadn’t started any signs of physical labor. She was only 26 weeks. I did the exam, and was very glad to see that her cervix was still elongated and closed – there didn’t appear to be any reason to believe that she would be giving birth too soon.
I wasn’t sure what to do with her at this point, as all of the doctors rooms were full, so I kept her in the ultrasound room and chatted with the couple for a few minutes. They were incredibly kind people, telling me that they had a feeling that I would be just fine despite my fears of working there that first week. They told me that I seemed to have my “head screwed on right, as we say.” They made me laugh, and feel so much better about how things were going.
About two hours later, just as I came back for lunch, I saw the same lady again. This time she was with a friend, and she didn’t look good. She was sweating, and bent over obviously in pain. She said her cramps were unbearable, and she was sure she was in labor. The doctor sent her over to Labor and Delivery in the hospital next door to make sure they were prepared to handle whatever came.
And I didn’t see or hear from her again.
The last two weeks, I have done nothing but worry about this woman. I have tried with all of my might to remember her name so I could ask about her. The doctor that took care of her that day is away on vacation, and I didn’t know of any other way to check. But she has never been far from my mind.
Today, as I was walking through the waiting room, I saw her walk in! My heart started to race as I walked quickly over to her. I said, “Oh my goodness! I am so glad to see you!!” And I meant it, my excitement was palpable. I was almost shaking with relief. She laughed at me and said, “Look, I’m even still pregnant! He’s still in here!” This tiny little brunette with a gorgeous accent, and a personality that makes her glow – I felt the tears well up in my eyes. “I was so worried about you. I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you!” She laughed at me again, and said hopefully she’d get to see me, but she wasn’t sure if she needed an ultrasound today or not.
I was in luck! The doctor examined her, and was sure that they had stopped any signs of early labor. She seemed to be doing really well, and so did the baby. But! We wanted to check her fluid levels and the growth of the baby, just to make sure everything was ok in his little world. I was thrilled!
We spent about 30 minutes looking at the baby. I showed her his hands, and his feet… his little toes were wiggling. She was so enthralled at seeing him move on the screen, and feeling him move at the same time. I gave her pictures to take home to her Husband, since he couldn’t be with us today. We talked and talked… right up until the lab technician came in and said she was over-due for her blood draw! I was so caught up in my happiness that everything had turned out ok, I had lost track of the time.
She got up off of the table and hugged me. She hugged me so tightly as she said, “Thank you. You have been so wonderful. Thank you so much.” She made me cry again.
Tears… but different tears. So different. So happy. Today was… today IS a good day.