I was a big baby last night. Brock went out of town to Boston for a few days, and I didn’t want to be home alone, so went and spend the night at his parents house. It was lovely.
I had a lot of communication from amazing people about yesterday’s post. Many things about forgiveness, and how to get past something you have trouble letting go of. I know that it is very true. It is bad enough that he didn’t want to let me go, but I kept letting him find his way back in. The foot never left the door. It has to be my choice to close it for good… and for THE good of me and Brock. It’s not a difficult choice to make. There is no choice – it just has to be.
When I get home tonight, I want to try to clean the house before Brock’s flight gets in. It wont be until nearly ten o’clock, so I’ve really got a large window to get things done. I need to focus. I need to commit myself. I need to not suck so badly at cleaning.
Caseyatbat and I were discussing the fact that I used to have a very clean house. We’re talking spotless. When I was living alone in Arkansas, I spent all my alone time cleaning. I retreated there when I didn’t want to feel alone, and NEEDED to find something to do. I think the fact that my house is untidy could be seen as a tribute to the fact that I’m so happy now. Why clean, when I can enjoy my life?
(I know, I KNOW! There’s nothing wrong with having a clean house! I love it too… and when it’s messy usually drives Brock NUTS. I’m working on it!)