I am a part-time insomniac.
There are times when it is simply impossible for me to fall asleep. I will, I wish, I wonder if the thoughts spinning around in my head will ever slow down. I try all of my old fail-safe tricks that used to put me to sleep. I talk myself out of being anxious about whatever I’m being anxious about.
Right now, it’s marriage. There is no way I can imagine things working out in my head the way they’re supposed to. The date is no longer October 4th. Heather, one of my bridesmaids and Brock’s sister-in-law, is going to be in combat training from July 15th until October 15th. That leaves those three months out of the picture. So our options became before July 10th and after October 20th. We can’t imagine having a wedding without Thomas and Heather there… or Ed!
Right now, the date is tentatively set at July 5th. I know, I know! This is only six short months to plan a wedding. Is the church even available for that date?
This is all small bumps compared to what my mind wont lay to rest. How am I going to pay for this? We don’t make enough money to afford a nice wedding. I want to be able to pay for my bridesmaids to get their hair, makeup and goodies done. I want to be able to get the best photographer. I want to be able to go on a honeymoon. We can’t afford all of this. We don’t have enough time to save up.
I can’t get these things out of my head, so I write them down. The rhythmic tapping of the keys as my motions turn into words is nearly hypnotizing… perhaps I can type myself to sleep. What is the use in worrying about something that I can’t do anything to change tonight, instead of sleeping? Things will work out. They usually find a way to do so.