I didn’t write all freaking week!
I thought about it every day. I thought about what I would like to post, and what I had going on, what sort of things I needed to get out.
First, I guess, it’s pretty selfish of me to post a private problem in a public forum where other people can offer one-sided opinions – especially when my other half can read it. Regardless of how justified I feel, or how real my emotions were at the time, it’s pretty unfair for him to have to face my anger in retrospect, with things I probably wouldn’t have the nerve to say to his face. Beyond that, he then had to see my ‘readers’ sound off on how horrible he is, and what he should be doing instead.
I don’t feel the need to ‘stick up’ for him because I bitched about him, but I can’t help but see how insensitive it was.
There are a hundred thousand reasons I want to marry Brock. There are a hundred thousand more that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He is kind, and caring, funny and honest. He is thoughtful, respectful, passionate, intimate, and giving. He loves me more than I had ever imagined was possible. He sees greatness in me that I can’t comprehend. When I am hurting, he holds me. When I am proud, he celebrates with me. When I need him, he is there for me in every way.
Brock encourages me to grow as a person – his strengths fortify my weaknesses. He makes me laugh! Every day, he makes me laugh. In every single way that he frustrates me or irritates me, I challenge myself to rise above it, to learn from it, to accept and embrace it.
I am in love with the most amazing man I have ever known. His smile sends my tummy into jelly. His eyes always see right through me. He knows me better than I have ever known myself. Brock loves me every single day, without question, without condition, without fail. I don’t know that I deserve it, and I try every single day to be worthy of this man.
It is acceptable to loose your cool sometimes. It’s ok to get mad, and do something you don’t mean… but not at the expense of someone else. I appreciate all of the unquestioning and inspiring support – it was exactly what I needed when I felt like I had been wronged. But I wasn’t wronged. I’m ‘righted’ every single day, and sometimes I lose sight of that.
That is what I wanted to write.