Such a huge change in circumstances takes away my ability to blog. It really affects me.
I have had so many things I’ve wanted to write about. So many fears, so many worries, so many stories. Questions! I have had a TON of questions I’ve wanted to ask. I just never get the chance. No time at work, and then I sleep the moment I get home.
I guess I feel so very differently about being pregnant than I ever though I would. It is such an overwhelming feeling. How can one person be so excited, so worried, so terrified, and so anticipatory all at one time? How can a brain and heart handle all those emotions and thoughts? The truth is, it doesn’t do it very well. Sometimes I’m so consumed by so many thoughts, I do nothing… shut myself down, retreat into a little hole, and pretend like it will all go away for a while. I think that might be part of the reason I sleep so much – everything is pretty cool in my dreams.
In reality, I’m happy. I want to start painting a baby room, and picking names. I want to know what sort of baby we’re having, and I can’t WAIT to meet him or her.
I seem to have finally moved out of the first phase of pregnancy. I’d like to officially dub it the ‘hell’ phase. I can go most of the day without feeling any nausea at all, as long as I am reasonable about what I eat. I have continued to lose weight, and I fully expect to be summarily chastised at my next doctors visit… by both my nurse and doctor. I’m sure that will turn around soon! My belly is already poking out, and my belly button looks funny. If you didn’t KNOW I was pregnant, you probably wouldn’t notice.
I look at the baby usually on Monday and Friday. I just sit and watch for 3 or 4 minutes… it’s comforting just to see the baby move, and be… it’s so real.
Man… any help on baby names? Naming a human is tough stuff.