I’m finding myself very uninspired and apathetic.
I have no idea why. Brock wants to go to this silly “Fall Cookout” that someone at his work is organizing. I’m all for being a part of the work scene… but I don’t really like any of those people. Brock doesn’t really like any of those people. I don’t want to have to talk with all of them about things I don’t care about, or things that I don’t want to share about.
My house is always messy, and it’s mostly my fault. I don’t ever have the motivation to pick things up. Even if I spend an hour or two cleaning, I barely make a dent in what needs to be done, and that is very discouraging.
I have a dog that I can’t stand. I know that’s mostly our fault too… he’s understimulated. We need to start taking him for walks or runs, getting him out of the house more often. The poor thing is stuck in a crate all day. It’s a horrible cycle: don’t take him out, he annoys the crap out of me, I don’t want to be near him, he doesn’t get taken out again. I need to be the – heh – the person here, and realize that I have control over his actions. He’s a great dog when we keep him exercised and active. I guess the real problem here is that I need to get off my pregnant arse and go outside.
Jack’s Mannequin is possibly the best band I’ve ever enjoyed in my life.
I let myself get so far down about things. My baby room isn’t painted yet, I’m getting so big I can’t fit in most of my clothes, I barely enjoy going to work any more, I never want to do anything.
Sometimes I think I need to take a few moments each day and realize all of the crap that I’m down about is actually stuff that I should really be thankful for. I’m having a healthy baby, and my pregnancy is progressing perfectly. I have an incredible job that so many people are envious of, and I am able to rise above the petty crap. I have the ability to do – or not do – anything that I want.
We have a house, and income, good food, clothes on our backs, and so much life in front of us.
I have the most amazing husband. He loves me so unconditionally, so completely. He tells me I’m beautiful every day, and I believe that he means it every single time. He hugs me with his whole body, and doesn’t let go too soon. I don’t know what I did to be so lucky, and to deserve such an incredible person in my life. I don’t think I deserve him, I’m just thankful that he’s with me. He can’t read my blog anymore, so these words are just for me. I have so so so very much to be thankful for, but mostly I’m just thankful I get to share it all with him.
I’m trying to practice positive thinking – maybe I can keep myself out of these silly blues.