I’m the worst freaking mom in the world.

I know, all moms have these days, right? How about nearly killing your kid multiple times? ‘When it rains, it pours’ is probably the most appropriate cliche right now.

I woke up exhausted today. Ronan didn’t sleep well last night (surprise, surprise), and I did what I’ve done multiple times in the past – I grabbed a few toys, piled Brock’s pillows up on his edge of the bed, put Ronan in the middle, and went back to sleep. Now, our mattress is just sitting on the box springs on the floor, instead of on a frame. Regardless, when a child decides to crawl over the pillows and push himself off of the edge of the bed, the thump he makes when he hits the ground is substantial. I woke as though I’d never been sleeping, and ran around the bed to find him before he’d even had the chance to realize he’d fallen, before he’d taken in his big breath to scream. I panicked, and “Ronanronanronanronanronan” came out of my mouth all as one word. I picked him up, cuddled him tight, and cried. I was shaking so hard as I checked him over for bumps or sore spots. Yes, my son is fine. He didn’t cry for more than 30 seconds, before he was squirming to be put down again. Sure, everyone says this stuff happens to all moms, and it’s how we learn to be more careful in the future, right? Doesn’t stop me from wearing the “worst mom in the world” hat today.

As if that were the only thing! I also noticed a crummy, white film all over the inside of Ronan’s mouth. Yeah, he’s got Thrush.

Thrush, you might be wondering, is a yeast infection of the mouth. It can be painful, irritating, and cause an infant to not want to eat. I had the same thing when I was around 6 months old, and I wouldn’t drink from a bottle because it was so painful. My mom had to teach me to drink from a cup, and once the infection cleared up I never went back to a bottle. I’m hoping I caught it early enough that it wont be a problem. I coated his mouth with Gentain Violet, which is supposed to be great for clearing up yeast. Now, he’s got a purple mouth, purple fingers, and everything he touches turns purple. Great.

What, Mandy? You mean that’s not all?

Of course not. I gave him a bath tonight, as I usually do, by filling the tub up to his navel, and sitting in the tub with him. We (Brock and I), both find it easier as well as a lot of fun! Today, instead of getting out dripping wet in order to wrap Ronan in a towel, I stood up while he was sitting and playing quietly and started to dry off while I was standing in the tub. Ronan sits up very well on his own now, and almost never topples over anymore. But, of course, if the worst thing can happen, it will. I saw it coming from miles away. He started to lean precariously to the left, so I picked up my foot to balance him. If we had been on dry ground, that would have been the end of it… however, we were in a tub – and tubs are slippery. Ronan didn’t right himself, he overbalanced and toppled to the right. I dropped my towel, grabbed at him and caught his arm just in time to watch him swing around onto his back and see his face submerge. Did you know babies don’t close their eyes when they go under water? His were screaming, “HELP ME MOM!”

I know, I know… he was only “under” the water for about 2 seconds, tops. I’m sure it panicked him more than anything else, and he again only cried for a minute. Still. I feel like I should give him back before I do something terrible. Worst mom in the world.

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  • We all make mistakes it’s inevitable. You are far from the worst mom. It comes with the responsibilities.

    Don’t beat yourself up over it. You’re doing fine and you should post more pictures of Ronan :o)

  • Sweetie, we have ALL been there. You are not the worst mother in the world, you’re a mother and stuff happens and will continue to happen. Wait til he starts walking! My first banged and fell into so many things when he started walking, made me feel like a bad mother. The one thing is, if you don’t panic when something happens, the baby won’t either. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Darn, that baby is cute!

  • Please, please, please don’t  beat yourself up over any of this!  Trust me – I have 3 kids and have had plenty of days like this.  Things like this happen to ALL moms, maybe a lot of them just don’t admit it. 
    Not getting a good night sleep just makes it all seem so much worse. 

    BTW, if you call your pediatrician you can probably get a prescription for his thrush right over the phone without having to even bring him in.

  • you are still one of the great moms ever.

  • No you are not the worst mother.

    When you have children things are going to happen. You cannot foresee most.You have to just deal with things the best you can and no recriminations.

  • Sorry for all that stuff that happened but it is not enough to get you the worse mom crown..it might get you the first time mom oops crown though… seriously though, it was a very bad no good day but you both survived it and you learned something so…give yourself a hug

  • Don’t worry about it Mandy!  You are doing great!  For me, I have never had a kid before, but when Nola was about 3 months old, I had her in the back of my car.  I was taking her to the park.  I opened the car door without realizing that she was leaning against the car door.  She hit that cement straight on her muzzle and the screaching that came out of her lungs sounded like she had been run over by a car.  Her mouth started bleeding, and I was scared I had knocked out a few teeth.  After about 5 minutes, she stopped crying, but she would not stop shaking every time she saw the car until about 1 month later.

    That doesn’t mean I am a bad doggie momma, it just means “sh*t happens”, and we have to learn to deal with it. 

    Hang in there!  I know you are the best mom in the world!

  • Mandy, I did a couple of things like that to my nephew when he was that age — with my sister-in-law watching, no less.  He doesn’t seem to have been unduly traumatized by the event, he seems to have forgiven me, and his parents haven’t had to put him into therapy.  I think you’ll be able to say the same for Ronan.

  • Baby’s are quiet the tumblers but if he start throwing toy’s you know why ”lol” , Yeast infection are very nasty you should check for fungus somewhere cause it seems to be the year for it.

    Baby’s are still wired for reacting under water as if they are still in the belly thats why their eyes are open I’ve seen it in a pool where mom where swimming with their baby’s could not believe it but its true.

    I think your doing fine your instincts are sharp girl you would laugh looking back on these day’s.  

  • You are not the worse mom in the world. 

    I knew a mom who had her 8 or 9 month baby in the bathtub.  She got a phone call and she just thought she would grab it real quick.  The person on the phone said something and it turned her mind in another direction.  All of a sudden a panic came over her.  She ran to the bathroom and her baby was dead.  I was called and I went to meet her at the hospital.  She kept repeating that she had killed her baby.

    Parents make mistakes.  Anyone who has been a parent realizes that they are fortunate if one of their mistakes didn’t kill or do damage to their child.

    I knew another guy who walked around and checked behind his car.  He told his child to move out from behind the car.  His child moved.  He then got into the car and backed up and ran over his child and killed him.

    We are all blessed if they grow up and can walk and talk.

  • Very scary, but life is scary. He’s just lucky you’re there, and love him and care about him. More than some moms do. Be proud that you shoulder the responsibility and keep going! He will thank you for it!!

  • Anonymous

    Being a mom is THE HARDEST JOB in the whole wide world! Things happen, and they happen fast when it comes to babies and kids. We can ONLY do the best we can! I could tell you so many instances from my experiences, but too many to list here! And my kids are all grown-up and turned out fine!

    I understand how you feel, but don’t beat yourself up over this! You are a good mom!!! Kids are resiliant and very forgiving and they know who loves and cares about them most. He knows you love him!!

    HUGS!

    BTW: He is gorgeous and so are you!!!

  • As a parent, I experienced every single one of the things you described here except the thrush infection. Noticing a pattern emerging here? These are nearly universal experiences for those of us who have been blessed with children! My kids are almost 21 and almost 18 now, and even though they’re the worst kids in the world, I still think I’m the greatest Dad!

    Just kiddin’, they ain’t so bad either, and even if they were, I’d still love ’em. Relax Mom, you’re doin’ fine!

  • If you were the worst mom in the world you probably wouldn’t care that any of that even happened. You are just a normal mom who makes silly mistakes. You are not God therefore you will never be perfect. You should give both yourselves a break now and learn to laugh at stuff like this. Just keep showering them in love and everything else will take care of itself.

  • Been there, done that.  Stuff happens and they live.  A few years back, I was carrying my youngest son (who was 5 or so at the time) down the sidewalk to the car to take him to the ER after his older brother accidentally whacked him in the chin with a baseball bat.  That was bad enough, dripping blood all over the place.  However, I tripped, over absolutely NOTHING on the sidewalk, and proceeded to drop him on his head!  Talk about adding insult to injury!  He survived, even though I felt like the worst person in the world!  Try (and the key word is “try”, I feel your pain) and not beat yourself up too much.  Kids are very forgiving! 

  • omg dear, dont beat yourself up over these things. you are NOT the worst mother in the world. I have a 9 month old nephew, and he falls CONSTANTLY. Babies are clumsy and fearless. You are doing a great job.

  • you’re not the worst mom in the world! I promise 🙂

  • But who would you give him back too?

    JK

    My kids survived all that and more. In fact, I’m surprised they made it through childhood, but they still think I’m a great mom.

  • eh, I got dropped a few times and I turned out ok.

  • we all learn from our mistakes, next time, you will be ready.

  • Hi, came by via a rec. I just want you to know that you are by far not the worst mother in the world.

    I have eight children; yes you read that correctly; and trust me, I have had all this happen and oh so much more. Wait until you discover that one of your kids is urinating in a cup in the shower and just leaving it there for days on end. (I wish I was making that up)

    We all have those days and it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job even with a few oops along the way.

  • AH!

    Parental Guilt is a universal feeling. Later on, your children will use it against you to try to get you to do something you know in the back of your mind they shouldn’t…..

    You are going to have to get rid of this parental guilt if you are going to raise successful children. If something worked once, don’t always expect it to work again. For instance, the bathtub ritual will not work anymore because you have to be in control with your child in the water. Besides, there will be a point that your child will poop in the tub and you don’t want to be in there with him (obviously).

    Parenting is not for the faint of heart. The goal is for everyone to get out alive and unscathed. Yet, some things are beyond your control. Accept that reality and move on…. your mental health requires it.

  • the fact that you care so much shows that you’re not the worst mom in the world. :]

  • Your definitely not the worst mom in the world, because the worst mom in the world wouldn’t care she was doing all this. I know this really bad mom who lives close to me, she has 8 kids and she’s about, 55 or something and gets her lie 20 year old boyfriend to do everything. And a couple of days ago one of her kids ran on the road and she just stood there and watched, not caring.. well her boyfriend ran after him. So, your not the worst mom in the world – your probably a great mom, you just don’t know it.

  • The fact that you feel any guilt disqualifies you from the World’s Worst Mom competition 

    Seriously, though, you aren’t a bad mom at all. These are all extremely normal, common, and random events that so many moms experience. Your baby is alive and well and loves you! Every kid is full of bumps and bruises because young children are SO clumsy, AND they get into EVERYTHING. Don’t worry, you sound like a fantastic mom.