Yeah, it really is just that. The real question is, who knows how long it will continue to be in progress for?
The hardest part about a venture like this is that I spend a few hours every day working on this website, and only a few short minutes of that is something actually enjoyable. Like writing. It’s taking a lot longer than I really thought it would to get everything figured out. Right now, I’m just using a pre-made layout, and Brock really wants me to have my own designed and worked up. That seems like a whole lot of effort to me. I’d love to try to make this as easy as possible.
The Chiropractor thing? Seems to totally have been a success. Ronan has slept better in the last 3 nights than he has in months. That doesn’t mean that he’s been perfect by any stretch of the imagination – but there has been improvement. It really feels like, no matter what, as long as things might be getting better, I can deal with it. It was that downward spiral that seemed to continue to slowly degrade into nothingness that was completely soul crushing.
Speaking of soul crushing, work is so difficult to handle. Brock and I had this huge discussion the other day about how overwhelming it seemed to think about having another baby when our house is in a constant state of turmoil. I pointed out to him rather forcefully that I could be a mom, work full time, and clean the house – but he can ONLY have two of the three at any given time. So if he wants to have a clean house, and keep his son, the job needs to go. And if he wants me to keep working (and keep his son!) we need to hire someone to help us clean. Really, giving away the kid isn’t so much of an option – although I’ve had offers!
I’m stressed out to the max, and I think it’s making me lose my milk. That stresses me out more. But things shall get better, I am sure. Because that’s what they do. They get worse and worse until I think we can’t take it any more… and then they get better. I might just repeat that to myself a few times, until I actually believe it.