On Friendship.

I have this post already written in my head, and it makes me sad.  It isn’t meant to be a woe-is-me situation or anything.  It’s really just the way things feel to me.

I don’t have any friends.

Yeah, I know, that’s stupid.  Mandy, you’re stupid.

You have a ton of friends on Facebook that you love keeping in touch with.  And you have all of these amazing people that you consider your friends.  Dana and Amanda are incredible.  You probably couldn’t live without Joy, or Nancy, or Nadine.  You are friends with the people you work with; you like all of them.  And Crystal?  She’s still your BFF.   She always will be.

Then what the hell am I talking about?

The thing is, I can’t remember the last time I had a friend that I could hang out with on a moments notice.   It has been years since there was someone that came over just to see me.  Someone that called me when she had a problem and needed me.  Someone that I could call just because I had a problem and needed her.  There are no shopping trips, cause we’re both stressed out and need some retail therapy.  No hugs, cause I just need a damn hug.  No one that loves Ronan as much as I do, just because he’s mine.

I’m so jealous of all of the people that I see, and their groups of amazing friends.  I am green with envy when I see Facebook pictures of the girls I knew in high school on camping trips and vacations with the best buds they’ve had since first grade.  I want so badly to have that, and yet friendships like that aren’t just made.  How does one become a best friend without being too forward, too aggressive?  Can it just happen one day?  It takes years to know someone well enough to know them inside and out, to know them as well as they know themselves.  And it hurts like hell to consider someone the very best friend that you have, and know that to them you’re actually just okay to hang out with.

I have all of these friends that are in my life because of work, or because of mututal relationships, or just because of luck.  I care about all of them, and they matter so much to me.  But I don’t have THAT friend.

And it makes me terribly lonely.  I’m surrounded by people that like me, and I’m lonely.

  • natalie

    Aww, sometimes I feel the same way. But if I think about it I realize that the reason I don’t have any friends like that is that I married the one person that I wanted to talk to about everything. And when the problem is him, it gets solved faster because he’s the only person I can vent to lol.

    At least you’ve got all your other friends 😉

  • http://www.budgetconfessions.blogspot.com Cate

    I feel the same way. Part of that is that many of my friends live elsewhere, but part of it is that I’m at a different place in my life than most of my old friends, and our friendships suffer from it. It’s kind of a bummer. Making friends is so hard!!

  • http://www.dahnya.blogspot.com Dahnya, dahnya@gmail.com

    Call those people up, see what happens.

    Seriously, I was in your boat for the longest time & then one day I decided, “why not”? And it’s been the best decision of my life! You can do it! You just have to make the time for it. Retail therapy is the best. :)

  • http://www.xanga.com/gemmagemmaheyorwww.magicinthenight.wordpress.com Gemma

    i’m so excited for you starting your own blog!

    anyways, i just wanted to say that i completely sympathize and feel the same way. two years ago i lost all my friends and became part of a new, and volatile, group. i’ve never felt like i made it ‘all the way in’ to the group, so i spend A LOT of my time being paranoid and feeling like i have no true friends; and, like you, like i have noone to go to.

    in my experience you just have to work at it, even if you feel like you’re getting nowhere just call up those friends, be there for them. they’re going to appreciate that and you never know, they might even feel the same way as you. i think that friendship creeps up on you and one day when you least expect it you’ll take a look around and realise that you’re surrounded by great friends. you won’t know how you got there but you’ll be so happy about it anyways!

  • http://www.tempestbeauty.com/about-this-blogger/admin/ Mandy

    Natalie – I’m in the same boat. Or at least I like to think I am. Brock is my best friend. But he’s definitely not a girl, and sometimes I just miss having that girl-friend… know what I mean? … Brock never wants to see chick flicks!

    Cate – it really is. I think that’s why I blog. I guess I need to try harder, but it really is HARD to put yourself out there. :/

    Dahnya – I’m on it. Top of the line suggestion. :)

    Gemma! I’m so glad you’re here!!

    Thanks for your support… and understanding. I know how hard it must be for you with those new friends. They HAVE to like you though, you are sweet and amazing.

    I loved your Halloween costume, by the way. Best Mary Poppins Ever.