Don’t Cry Over Spilt Milk.

What about lost milk?

I decided, way back when I decided to breastfeed my children, that I would want to nurse them until they were at least 6 months old.  To me, that seemed like an eternity… I would probably be sick to death of nursing by then.  Gosh, who wouldn’t?  I think I decided this at the tender age of eleven, or maybe twelve.  More recently, I found out that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children be breastfed until they at least 1 year old, and then put on whole milk afterwards.  When I realized this, and consequently easily nursed Ronan to his 6 months, I decided it was entirely possible (and actually quite probable) to continue to breastfeed until his first birthday.

It really has been quite a commitment, since I have to pump at work, and my milk spoils awfully quickly so we can’t take chances with it.  (We don’t have any saved up in the freezer – it goes bad FROZEN in about 2 weeks.)  This means, when I decide that I’m done… we’re done.  No stretching the milk bank out and going a little further than I’m capable of.  Weaning will be a cold turkey event in our household.

Even though that is the case, I have persevered, and Ronan still enjoys his booby juice.  Last week, howeIMG_0395ver, I started to notice that my breasts were never quite as full feeling as they used to be right before a feeding.  I thought it felt strange, and I also hadn’t been noticing whether or not I was having let-downs.  If you have ever experienced a let-down (remembering that some women don’t,) you understand when I say that it is VERY unusual for me to not be aware of one happening.  I realized this, and noticed that my son continued to fuss and complain, even after I has just finished nursing him.  It started gradually, but it really hit home when I came in to work on Saturday, and had to pump for the first time.

For reference, I normally pump twice in a 12 hour shift, and once again as soon as I get home.  I typically get between 8 and 12 ounces per pumping, with a varying amount from each side, but I would say that I average around 10 ounces per pump session.  That means I can usually pump around 30 ounces in a 12 hour shift.

Saturday night, I pumped the same way I always have, and got – are you ready for it? – eight ounces.  Total.  For the whole shift.  The whole night.  8 measly ounces.  HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEED MY CHILD WITH EIGHT OUNCES?

Thankfully, for the next night, I had a small surplus of frozen milk in the freezer, and Brock was able to feed Ronan a few meals of solid food to tide him over.  I guess it never really occurred to us that that was part of the problem.

I called a lactation consultant, and explained the problem to her, the symptoms that I was experiencing.  I asked her if it was possible that my son was actually weaning himself, and not interested in milk anymore?  She said that it was very unlikely, and suggested some methods for increasing milk supply.

So, for the next 5 days, I pumped for 10 minutes after EVERY SINGLE nursing session.  That is dedication. I pushed my water intake, and started taking Alfalfa pills.  I ate oatmeal for one meal every day.  We cut Ronan’s solids down to NOTHING.  And I prayed a little.  I have to be honest, I’m not ready to wean yet.  I still enjoy it, and if I can get Ronan to a year old without giving him formula, I would prefer to do so.  Brock feels the same way.

I started to feel, within two days, like Ronan was more satisfied during feedings.  I was feeling heavy let-downs, and hearing him gulp as he was nursing.  But, since I only pump while I’m at work, I had no real, palpable evidence that things were improving.

The following Saturday, a week from discovering that my milk was drying up, I went up to the pumping room with a little trepidation.  I wasn’t ready to find out it had all been in vain, and that my milk wasn’t coming back.  I hooked up the pump, pulled out my phone, and ignored the goings on like I always do – you can’t get milk out if you stress about it.

15 minutes later, I looked down and realized I had pumped a full 12 ounces.  Both bottles were filled above the top marker.  My heart soared, and I felt the vindication of a job well done – believe me, pumping for 10 minutes after every feeding for several days is nearly enough torture to make one throw in the proverbial towel and walk away.

I’m now happy to say that my milk has not only returned, but my supply seems to be better than ever.  My son has started to look chubbier and chubbier in the last couple of days, and it feels really good.  I bite his chunky thighs, and I feel accomplished; job well done, Mandy.  Keep that baby boy bouncing.

Yes, I know I spelled “Spilt” incorrectly.  I like it better that way.

Livid, Indignant, Insulted and Upset.

You know, I don’t even know how to address this.

This is a blog.  Yes, it is a public forum, and anyone can read it.  Yes, that means YOU can read it too.

But it’s still mine.  It’s my thoughts, my opinions, my world, my life – every part of this is Mandy.  Do I need to post a disclaimer, like they do at the beginning of movies?  That the thoughts and opinions contained herein belong only to the writer, and do not reflect the thoughts or opinions of any corporation or association she might be affiliated with?

What the heck is with printing off my blog, and taking it to my boss and trying to get me in trouble?  Is that really necessary?  If I wrote something that upset you or offended you, you could STOP READING MY BLOG.  I never asked you to, and I don’t write to please you.  Better yet, if you think something I’ve said or done is incorrect or in bad taste, you could tell me.  Did you ever think of that?  Perhaps I would have just fixed it and moved on?

Apparently, something I said about having a job and not loving it, and working with people at night that are crazy and make me laugh is offensive?  Should it be a secret that I want to be a stay at home mom?  Does EVERYONE, everywhere that has to work absolutely love their job, and feeling otherwise is unforgivable?  And really, the fact that I love my co-workers enough to call them crazy – is that something to get worked up over?  I would think it was actually something to be proud of.  I’ve found some people that I really enjoy working with, despite our quirks and differences, and I’m being nailed to the wall for it.

I don’t know who did it.  I don’t know who reads this, or who found it through someone else, or who let something I said upset them enough to get all high, mighty and righteous.  I will not apologize for what I wrote.  I said nothing wrong.  I removed the offending comment from the offending post, and that is the sole concession I will make to your delicate sensibilities.

And please, don’t bother coming back here to read what I have to say.  You really aren’t welcome any more.

A Picture of Ronan.

So… I used to post all of my pictures under the “Worth A Thousand Words” feature heading – or WATW.  But it is starting to rub me the wrong way, and I have a hard time titeling pictures.  So I don’t know what I want to do instead.  I love sharing pictures, and I want them to be easily found later on if someone wants to go back and see a certain picture.  I’m open to suggestions and ideas.  I’ll keep working on it.

This picture was poorly taken, but I LOVE the expression on his face, so I had to share it anyways.  It COMPLETELY captures Ronan’s personality.

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My Sister’s Keeper

Don’t worry, I’m not going to post spoilers if you haven’t seen it.

I thought this movie was fantastic.  I cried nearly from the beginning to the end.  I wish I had been able to get Brock to watch it with me for the guy’s perspective, but oh well.

I didn’t read the book.  Now, I really think that I should.

This movie is the epitome of every mom’s biggest fear.  Something is wrong with my baby… and where do we go from here?  In the film, Sara and Brian decide to have another child – Anna – one that is a genetic match that allows them to harvest parts for her sick sister, Kate.  The movie takes place around Anna’s plan to sue her parents for medical emancipation, and the right to her own body.  She doesn’t want to donate a kidney to her sister, which MAY save her life, but at the cost of her own health and well being.  I couldn’t imagine having a sick child, and I honestly couldn’t imagine the lengths I would go to to save that child.

I have to be completely honest with you, I’ve never really liked Cameron Diaz.  This is the first movie that I’ve seen her in that I felt like she played her part really well.  She did the “crazy mom trying anything to keep he child alive” part to a T.  I loved her strength and determination.  I hated her anger and stubbornness.  Abigail Breslin, as Anna, was fantastic as usual.  Relative newcomer, Sofia Vassilieva, played the part of sick Kate, and was amazing.  It probably wasn’t easy for her to play a sick child, but she did it so well.  Even though she was sick, she kept the family together.  This movie made me happy, it made me sad, it made me laugh, and it made me cry so hard I had to pause because I was missing what was going on.

It’s never fair when a child is sick.

And now, I’m going to take this moment to call attention to an incredible family, and more importantly, a woman that I was just recently made aware of.  Anissa is an amazing mother of three, and her youngest daughter, Peyton, was diagnosed with Leukemia when she was 2 years old.  She’s been in remission, but it has been a hard road for the entire family.  As if that wasn’t hard enough, Anissa suffered a massive stroke a few weeks ago.  She’s been in a coma in intensive care, and her husband Peter has been blogging updates.  I don’t care if you pray, pick your nose, or just give a moment of silence  – spare a thought for this family and their situation.

Prayers For Anissa.

If you’ve seen the movie, leave a comment on what you thought about it.  If you’ve read the book, let me know whether or not it was worth reading.

Hating Today.

I hate today.

I don’t really know why.  Days like today are the worst.  I had to stay up all night and work Sunday night, so I slept Monday.  I only got 4.5 hours of sleep, and then stayed up the rest of the day so I could SLEEP last night.  Brock and I stayed up late enough that I wouldn’t just get a few hours nap and then be wide awake, and went to bed around midnight.

Ronan woke up at 1, and 1:30, and 2, and 3, and 3:30… so much for sleep.  From 3:30 until 6 this morning, I was wide awake.  I guess I should have written a blog then.  So, for the second day in a row, I’m going on next to no sleep.

My house is a disaster, as it always seems to become when I have to work Wednesdays.  I never seem to get the energy or the drive to do something about it.  My dishes need to be done, we haven’t gone grocery shopping in a few weeks so there’s nothing to eat in the house, and I need to do laundry again.

Look at me sit here and bitch about my life.  Seriously, Mandy?  Seriously??

I need to get off my butt, take a shower, pick up the floor, and get moving.  What is stopping me?  Me.  Nothing else.

That boy is having a nap, and I’m going to take advantage of it, and get going.  Watch me.  I don’t need to hate today, I need to live it.


What do you do to motivate yourself to do the things you just don’t feel like doing?