I honestly, truly believe this is the most beautiful thing I have ever written.  And I still believe it with all of my heart

Why is it that everyone is in such a rush for their little ones to get bigger?  To be more mature for their age?  To be ready for something they just aren’t ready to do yet?

I see so many moms pushing to get their babies to sleep through the night, to take more formula, to hold their heads up.  Bumbo chairs, and self-soothing, cooing and crawling.  They are anxiously awaiting those ‘milestones’, instead of sitting back an enjoying every moment they have with their tiny treasure.  Don’t you see that those milestones the baby is reaching are just markers on the path to growing up?  Each one we get to means another stage of littleness and babyhood is left behind?

In a few short months, every single one of us is going to be looking back at pictures and baby clothes, remarking how we wish they were still so little, how we miss our newborn love.  These new-baby months go by SO quickly.  Yes, you are exhausted, and yes, it is hard… but remind yourself that each red-eyed, sleepy moment with that lovely baby is the only time you’ll EVER have that moment.  You don’t get moments back.  Cherish them.

Don’t try to make our kids grow up quicker.  We can’t ever make them grow up slower, no matter how hard we try.

Oh!

I just found these as I was reading back through my Xanga.

It’s called Mama-Ku, where you write a haiku about being a mom.  I wrote these when Ronan was about a month old, and they nearly made me tear up today.  I miss my teeny, tiny peanut.

Why wont you sleep, love?

You must be just exhausted.

The swing is our friend.

————————————–

My son is hungry.

I desperately want to sleep,

Love gets me up again.

———————————-

His little fingers,

My mind cant grasp how tiny.

Each one is perfect.

———————————

It’s bath time again

You sit and coo while I wash

We both love this part.

Dried and dressed and warm

I hold you close to my heart

Heaven smells this good.

We, as moms, have this need, this terribly desperate desire for the positive affirmation of our parenting choices.

It’s only natural.  We want others to approve of what we are doing with our children.  We want validation, support, compliments – anything to help us feel like we’re doing a good job.  That feeling comes so rarely, and is so incredibly powerful when felt.

Because, lets face it, being a mom is really hard.  It’s really hard to make all sorts of decisions without ever knowing what the final outcomes of your choices will be.  It’s incredibly difficult to decide on a path that you would like to take despite all of the opposing arguments you hear around you.  You will ALWAYS hear opposing arguments.  It doesn’t matter what choice you make.

The thing is, every single choice that you make is the right one.  And at the end of the day, the only person you have to prove that to is yourself.  If you can look at what you’ve done with your child, how you’ve raised him or her, the choices that you’ve made and the actions that you’ve taken without feeling guilt or remorse, you have done well.  It doesn’t matter what your next door neighbor did, or what your mother-in-law thinks you should be doing.  It shouldn’t bother you when someone criticizes something you have chosen to do, because they do not have to live with the outcome.

And here’s the real kicker of it all.  We ALL want to tell other moms what they should be doing, because if someone does the same things we did, it somehow means – in a round-about way – that it was the RIGHT thing to do.  If it works for more than just me, it must be right, right?  So sure, I’ll look at what you’re doing wrong and say, “Oh, we did this.  You should try it.”  Fully expecting it to work for you as well as it worked for us.  But your kid isn’t my kid.  And your style isn’t my style.  And JUST because it worked for us does NOT mean it will work for you.  When it doesn’t work for you, you’ll think less of my parenting skills, and be less likely to look to me for advice again.  Then, in the future, when someone asks YOU for advice, you’ll tell them what YOU did, fully expecting it to work, and feeling bad when it doesn’t.  Here’s a secret I’m going to let you in on: it probably wont work for someone else.

I have been in situations where I’m willing to listen to ANY advice that is given, hoping to finally fall upon the one little piece that works.  And when someone asks me for advice, I give it.  Every time it doesn’t work, it makes me seriously hesitate to give out any other advice.  I hate that feeling, like you’ve let someone down.  But I always tell myself that just because it didn’t work for them doesn’t mean it wasn’t the right thing for us to do.

So, here’s a question for you.  If you give formula, and your sister gives breastmilk, and your cousin gave whole milk too early, and your neice-in-law never gave cereal, and your mom says she would never have let the baby get that old without putting cereal in her bottle, and your aunt on your dad’s side says that you’re spoiling your child because you hold her while you feed her, and your co-worker only gave a vegan diet… which one is right?

That’s it.

They all are.

YOU are right.  And you need to STOP listening to what they’re telling you is wrong, but you also need to STOP looking at other people and thinking their way is inferior to yours.  Because it’s not.  It’s right up there beside yours on the “it’s right for us” table.  Your right to do exactly what you want goes hand in hand being mature enough to let others do what they would.

I am proud to baby-wear, co-sleep, breast feed,  glad that I never gave cereal or purees, don’t use strollers, and can’t let my child cry it out.  That is what is right for ME.  I hate it when someone tells me something I’m doing wrong.  But I realize that they just want me to do it their way because that was RIGHT to them.  I think the hardest part of being a mom is realizing that your way isn’t the universal way, and that is okay.

Oh, and to all my formula feeding, stroller loving, cereal-in-the-bottle, sleep training mommas – I love you for what you do.  Be proud of your choices and decisions.  Because.

You.

Are.

Right.

Every now and then, I’d like to share some old posts that were maybe a little more important to me than others.  Ones that I think shouldn’t be passed over as “old and worthless.”  This is gonna be one of those sharings.

One of my very first posts when I started this blog was about Nose Hairs. My husband told me it was disgusting, and that I shouldn’t have posted it, but it was one of my best received blogs to date.  I thought I would link to it, AND give a little update.

I stopped clipping, stopped plucking, and stopped worrying about anything going on inside my nose, and the problem went away on its own.  No more inner nose prickling.

The “Nose Hair Smile” still remains.

I still haven’t figured out how to achieve the best of both worlds.

Also, as I was looking for the posts I wanted, I went back and read this post about snap judgements  and misreading people.  I wrote it, and it still made me cry.  I’m pretty proud of this one.  If you haven’t read it, I’d love to share it with you.

Watching this video reminds me how much Ronan has grown in such a short amount of time.  And it makes me giggle EVERY time.  What a cute little bug.

If you have a favorite that you think I should share with new readers, let me know.  I’d love to know what moved you, what kept you coming back, and also what you’d like to see more of.

I had some other pretty great pictures to share of this play date, so I’m gonna go ahead and put them here.

Ava working the head-stand.

Ava did this, and I thought it was beautiful, so I took a picture.  So colorful!

Farah found a GREAT chair!

Everyone having SO much fun!  Ava and Farah look so much alike in this picture!

And last, but not least… Farah channeling her inner Nick Nolte.

HAHAHAHA!

Ronan has his pick of the ladies.  We’re surrounded by sweet little angels that smell nice, act cute and can’t help but make you want to CUDDLE.

Beautiful Farah is a month older than Ronan, and she keeps him running.  The entire time she and her incredible mother Stephany are here, I don’t want to put the camera down!  Every moment is filled it something I want to capture forever.  I love they way they play, interact, and learn from each other.  I absolutely LOVE playdates.  Farah has a big sister, Ava, and she makes me excited for the future.  I can’t wait until Ronan is four, and curious, smart, challenging, interesting and ADORABLE.  I love love these girls, I really do.

And now, for pictures.

Do I hug him?

Or do I choke him?  Mom?

I just love this picture.

So much fun to be had with someone else’s toys.

Farah checking out the shopping cart.

Ronan has to get in on it too.

Showing her the ‘right’ way to do it.

This was an adorable moment – looking out the window together.

And then the door!

Caught being CUTE!

Kitty!

I also wanted to share this because every time I see it, it makes me laugh.

I didn’t have a chance to sit and write yesterday, but this has been on my mind.

Sunday night was one of the worst nights I have ever worked in my entire career.  I did over 20 exams in a 12 hour shift, and I was fully exhausted by the time I was ready to come home.  I can hardly remember faces of most of my patients, let alone stories about them.  They all seem to blur together.

However, there is one fellow that stood out.  He was one of the last exams I did on Monday morning.

He came in through the ER with severe chest pain.  The ER, of course, did a full Heart Attack work up, and then sent him over for a gallbladder ultrasound when everything was negative.  As I was scanning him, he told me about the last time this had happened.  He said that he had a stabbing pain in his side, and that it was too uncomfortable to ignore.  “I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like someone was sticking a needle in my left side.  I told my wife, and she said it was just indigestion, and told me to go back to sleep.  So I did.  The next morning, I woke up and it was worse.  She still thought it was indigestion, and she told me, ‘Go to the hospital if you want.  It’s indigestion.  I’m going to work.’  I called my daughter and had her take me to the hospital.”

He went on to tell me that they admitted him to do some tests, and he ended up spending the night.  After all the cardiac tests were done, the doctor came in the following morning and said, “You passed the stress test with flying colors.  Your heart is working.  But we’re prepping you for surgery in 2 hours.”

I was shocked!  This guy was relatively thin, healthy appearing, didn’t smoke… I asked him what kind of surgery he had.  They did a double stent in his heart, and then took him into an endarterectomy surgery on his neck – he had had a greater than 95% blockage of his left carotid artery.  It was then that I noticed the massive scar on the side of his neck.  I jokingly asked him if he has let his wife forget about it yet.  He chuckled and said, “She’ll never live it down.  But today, when I said my chest hurt, she was out in the car before I had a chance to pull my pants on!”

I finished my exam relatively quickly, and had moved him back out into the hallway, but continued to chat with him.  He was telling me about his daughter and how she was interested in becoming a Sonographer.  He asked me questions about how to get into the field.  I cant exactly remember how we got on to the topic, but he then started telling me about how he’d had a stroke, and it took them weeks to find it.  He said it started out with severe headaches, and seeing seven or eight doctors for it in the course of a month.  Someone finally put him on a steroid and a pain killer for it, and whenever he took the medicine, he would have seizure-like activity on one side of his body.  At that point, one of his doctors finally decided it was worth their time to do some diagnostic testing, and found that he had had a major stroke to the back of his brain.  He went through months of rehab and has been on blood thinners ever since.

Around that time, the transporter had arrived to take him back to his room, and even though it was on his paperwork, I couldn’t believe all of the medical problems he’d had, so I asked him how old he was.

He said, “I’m fifty-five this year,” Dad.  And for the last 24 hours, I couldn’t stop thinking about you.  This poor fellow is sitting in the hospital trying to find out what’s wrong with him, and all I can think about is you.

Hey sweet boy,

It’s 11:58pm, so it’s still technically your 11 month birthday.  I didn’t forget, I just didn’t have time to write earlier in the day.

Yeah, first I need to tell you that I love you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much!  So with a hundred O’s.  You are so sweet and amazing.  You give me the best hugs, they make my day in an instant.  Daddy gets home from work and he can’t even be grumpy about having a bad day, because as soon as you see him you start laughing and clapping!  You love your daddy so much.

You took your first steps this month, Ronan!  Last week, you took three in a row all on your own.  And then four!  Yesterday, I caught you taking seven whole steps before you fell.  You hate to fall, but you always get back up and try again.  Daddy has been walking you around and letting you kick a soccer ball… you LOVE to do that.  You giggle and laugh the whole time.  Flint gets all excited, and then you laugh even more!

You still love to eat.  As soon as dad or I start eating, you come crawling over with your mouth open.  “PUT FOOD HERE!”  And you’ll eat everything we give you!  Eggs, broccoli, cottage cheese, it’s all good.  Cucumber and apples still seem to be your favorite.  We’ve figured out how to use the straw, so straw sippy-cups are a big it.  You LOVE water!  Even in the bath tub, you bend over and put your whole face in the water to drink it.  You make us laugh.

We have so much fun on playdates, kiddo.  You’re a little shy and reserved at first, and then you find your footing.  You like to show off, and make your toys look like SO MUCH FUN so everyone else will want to play too.  The ball pit, OH the ball pit!  If that wasn’t the BEST gift ever, I don’t know what was!  You play in that thing every single day.  We’re going to have hundreds of pictures of you in the ball pit.  I hope it never gets old for you.

I don’t know what else to tell you, kiddo.  You are such a joy to be around.  I love to watch you when you don’t know I’m watching.  I love to catch you doing something you know you should be doing.  I love to see you play with daddy, and how much fun you have together.  I love being your mommy.

Until next month, sweetie, when you turn ONE year old, I love you every day.

Love,

Mum.

Hmm.

Yesterday was plain awful.  (You can say that again.)  Yesterday was plain awful!

Ten points to whomever can figure out where that is from.

Things are working out, and I’m sure they will be fine.  They always seem to be.  But changes are going to be made on multiple fronts.  I’d love to get into more detail, but it’s not my problem, so it’s not my place to say.  Since my blog is no longer exactly ‘private’, I can’t really go into things that I otherwise might have.

Today, I got my carpets cleaned.  The fellow was a good ol’ boy, incredibly polite and proper, but he did a great job.  He called me “Miss Mandy” the whole time he was here.  And he prefaced every single statement he made with, “Now, I’m gonna be honest with you Miss Mandy, now…”  Evidently this guy never lies.

He talked about the carpet damage we have at the edges of our cream colored carpet where it’s all turning black.  He said it was soot from our air ventilation system.  We had asked the heating and air people when they came out if they knew what was causing it, and they told us that we “burn too many candles.”  When I told the carpet dude this, he laughed so hard he had to sit down for a minute.

“Now, I’m gonna be honest with you Miss Mandy, now there is NO possible way candles could do that much damage to your carpet.  No ma’am.  There’s no way.  Now, I’m gonna be honest with you, now you just need to get those vents cleaned out.  That will fix your problem right there, Miss Mandy.”

He was almost too country to be real.  But he did a great job.  The carpet looks excellent.  Ronan and I are hanging out in the loft for the next 2-3 hours while it dries… and then we’re going to go down and play!  On our awesome, newly cleaned carpet.

If you ever want to know who you should use for your carpet cleaning, I highly recommend ChemDry Express.  They came highly recommended to me as well.  The price was reasonable, the job was done in about an hour, and the quality of the work was excellent!

I haven’t posted any pictures in a while.  I’ll get on that later today.  I’ve got a couple sweet ones.  Play date later today with my favorite ladies!