Monday Monday.

Mondays are, without a doubt, the hardest day of the week for me.

Getting home at 7:30 am or so, and then going to bed for a measly 4 hours of sleep after working all night… then trying to get up and be functional so that, come bed time, I’ll actually be able to fall asleep Monday night.

It could always be worse.  I could be unemployed, have no money, and not be able to provide for our family.  It helps to put things in perspective every now and again.  Although, sometimes the swimming pool full of chocolate pudding looks mighty tempting.

I have so many random thoughts running through my mind.  I applied for a position back at Maternal & Fetal medicine a few weeks ago, and found out today that I didn’t get the job.  It’s sort of mixed emotions, really.  I’m terribly sad, because I loved working there so dearly, and it hurts me that they didn’t want me back.  Maybe I shouldn’t take it personally, but I’m a fairly sensitive person and I hate feeling like there was something about me they didn’t like enough to decide to pass me over.  I used to work there, right?  So I don’t have to be trained in, I could just hit the ground running, and go!  I already had daycare lined up and everything.  But on that other hand, it would mean giving up all of my precious time with a little boy that is growing up too fast already.  Staying on the weekend shift means not having to miss anything.  A huge part of me is hurt and sad that I wasn’t given the job, but a whole other part is relieved that I don’t have to change anything about my life right now.

Brock is going to tell me that it’s a bad idea to blog that I had applied for another job, because I don’t know who reads this, and I don’t know if people from my work might find out.  I just want to put it out there that I’m not actively LOOKING for another job, and I’m really quite happy working where I am right now.  It’s just that the opportunity came up to return to a job that I absolutely LOVED with people that I adored, and I went for it.  I’m completely content remaining right where I am for the time being, and don’t see that changing any time soon.  So don’t sweat it.

Ugh.  Yeah, it sucks.  Why would they tell me when I left that I was more than welcome back at any time in the future if I wanted to return and they were hiring?  Why would they tell me to go ahead and apply when the position opened?  And wouldn’t it be nice to have enough consideration to let me know WHY I didn’t get the job?

I have to stop being so sensitive.  I liked working there so much, and it makes me feel sick to think that they didn’t really like having me there.

Move on, Mandy.

There will be other opportunities, and other jobs that I absolutely love.  Who knows, maybe I’m not meant to work there again?  Maybe there’s a big old plan in mind that doesn’t include working a full time job?  I’ll just keep thinking like that.  Cause it’s a lot more fun, and a lot less sucky.