Why Yes, Yes It Does Scare Me.

We are eight days into January already.  Eight days into the year two-thousand ten.  A little over a month and a half until my son turns one year old.

And it scares the crap out of me.

When does it stop?  Will there ever be a point in my life where I hope he grows up FASTER?  I’m sure it will be somewhere in his teenage years.  But even then, it’s frightening to see how quickly time now passes us by.  In retrospect, my life was a sluggish drawl before now.  I was always waiting for things to happen.  Now I wish they would just ease up a little.

Ronan has cut four molars in the last three days.  If that doesn’t cause a cranky, difficult baby – trust me, it does.  I no longer hope everything will magically get easier, I guess I just hope for a good night every now and then.  One where he stays in bed after we put him down, and get some grown-up time.  One where my stress doesn’t start coming out my ears.  But if not, that’s okay too.  I promise, I was kidding when I said I wanted to sell him on eBay.

So, on the breastfeeding front.  My son has always been an efficient, no-nonsense nurser.  He gets in, gets the job done, and gets out.  I’ve never minded.  Now, however, he’s gotten into the habit of latching on, and then pulling his head back as far as he can without letting go of the nipple, and nursing there.  Say it with me now… “Ow.”  Yes, it really, REALLY hurts.  I’ve never had any sort of nipple injury in my nursing career, and now I have a blister that makes me want to cry.  I wanted to nurse until Ronan was one.  Really, it was a goal of mine to get him all the way to his first birthday, but I can’t do this any more.  If I move closer to him, he arches his back and pulls farther away.  If I pull his head closer to me, he screams and fights.  I don’t know why he’s doing it, and I don’t know how to get him to stop… but I can’t continue nursing when it hurts this badly.  It’s supposed to be enjoyable for both parties, and the status quo is that it SUCKS.

NO. PUN. INTENDED.

I don’t really know how to go about weaning.  I was sort of willing to let him take the lead on that one.  But I can’t wait until he’s ready if he’s going to continue mauling my chest like this.  I guess we’ll try pumping and bottle feeding until I can’t take that any more either.  But honestly, the sooner I stop making breastmilk, the better.

It’s no secret that I’ve had trouble maintaining my weight since Ronan was born.  Pre-pregnancy, I was a healthy 118 lbs.  I delivered around 140.  Within six weeks, I was down to 120 again.  Today, I hit 104.  Yes, that’s right, I have reached the lowest weight I’ve been since I was 14 years old.  It’s a little scary, and I don’t seem able to eat the necessary amount to combat it.  I drink “Ensure” shakes during the day to boost my calorie intake, and it still doesn’t seem to be enough.  So once we’re done nursing for good, hopefully my weight will start to improve.  There IS such a thing as ‘Too Thin’.

  • http://www.budgetconfessions.blogspot.com Cate

    I have no idea why Ronan wants to nurse like that lately, unless maybe his gums are just hurting him and it’s somehow more comfortable for him to nurse on the tip of your nipple? How odd. Hopefully it passes!

    I’ve also had a really hard time maintaining my weight since my daughter was born–and I’m also at my lowest weight since I was 14! I never thought I’d hear myself saying, “I need to gain weight.”
    .-= Cate´s last blog ..Food Waste Friday =-.

  • http://www.kristielarsen.blogspot.com Kristie

    He’s probably doing it because of his teething.
    Have you tried nursing him in different position’s?
    My favorite is laying down.. we started it during a crazy heat wave it the summer and never went back! LOL

    Re- your weight.
    DON’T COMPLAIN! :p
    I would rather have your issues than mine of having trouble keeping the weight off!
    I never noticed a difference with Breastfeeding… The only time something has made it easier to lose weight was when I was Pregnant! And of course, that’s the worst time to try to lose weight!. BLAH
    .-= Kristie´s last blog ..Baby "H" =-.

  • http://www.violarulz.com violarulz

    my mom used to give my nephew frozen waffles to gnaw on while he was teething. You can even make your own and freeze them in 1/4s, yum!

  • Holly

    I can’t imagine how much that hurts when he pulls away! Know thought that nursing comes in waves of easy, smooth, enjoyable and then down right painful. I hope you make it through this wave because even nursing once a day was something my son and I both loved well past one years old. At one point when my son was about 15 months his front teeth started to cause a serious sore just above my nipple – I couldn’t nurse in our regular position as his teeth would constantly irritate the same spot. My solution? I flipped him upside down! (No seriously, I had to do it laying down, but I would make it so his teeth would then be at the bottom of my nipple). I just had to do it until I was all healed.

    I know that isn’t the same… but perhaps a change in position (as suggested by someone else) would help. If you didn’t let him nurse would he stop on his own accord now? Maybe given that option he will tone it down and nurse nicer?

    GOOD LUCK! You are a strong women!
    PS I hope you are enjoying this time of needing to gain weight with much baking, whole milk and avocados!!! I’m jealous – but I agree that it will probably be easier to maintain weight once you stop nursing. I miss the easy calorie burning…

  • http://www.tempestbeauty.com/about-this-blogger/admin/ Mandy

    Oh Holly. You make my day sometimes, you know that?

    I haven’t totally given up on nursing. I’m not strong enough, I love it too much! I’ve been nursing him mostly at night now… one or two nursings a day, and 6 or 7 at night. (NOT BY CHOICE! Lord, I wish he would sleep.)

    What I’ve been doing is wrapping my bottom arm around him like I’m giving him a hug, and holding him close. He HATES it. Pulls away, pushes away, squirms. I tell him, “Don’t pull Ronan, you hurt mommy. Don’t pull or no milk.” and then he seems to calm down, settle in, and just drink. It’s like heaven. It has been SO LONG since I’ve been able to nurse without pain. It makes a HUGE difference.

    BTW. I never had an avocado before I started nursing. Now? I could eat them all day. Every day. How did I miss out on them before? And I really should start baking.

    Thanks Holly. <3

    Viola - Frozen waffles? What a fantastic idea!! Going on the grocery list.

    Kristie - Laying down seemed to be when his pulling back was the worst. I think I might have the problem licked! And, I read somewhere that a small percentage of breastfeeding women, something like 20% have the opposite problem - where they CANT lose weight while they're nursing. As soon as they wean, the pounds start to drop off! Maybe you're in that (un?)lucky 20% and when you finish, you'll have no problem at all. I wouldn't worry, I think you look beautiful. 😀