You Can Never Go Back.

L.A.’s fine, but it ain’t home.  New York’s home, but it ain’t mine no more.”

I walked into the office I knew so very well.  It had an old sort of comfortableness to it.  Like driving by the house you grew up in.  Or visiting your elementary school.

I had so many nerves.  I was shaking in parts of my belly that I had never even felt before.  Nervous about seeing old friends, old co-workers.  Nervous about being treated differently.  Nervous about being treated the same.

And then there were smiles.  And hugs.  Faces that were so welcome that it brought tears to my eyes.  Laying down and realizing all that I had loved and missed was still there.  Jokes from a man I adore and respect so much.  Idle chatter with the sweetest girl I’ve ever known, knowing she understands how I feel.  Fighting tears and emotions because I’m so, so very hormonal… but that’s not the only reason why.

I miss this place.  I miss this life.  But you can never go back.

Hearing the doctor say, “Everything looks great.  I think your baby is going to be fine,” sets my heart at ease, my fears to rest.  It was a wonderful moment, and yet not the best part of today.

The best part was a hug and a phone call from someone I had thought lost to me.  The best part had smiles and the sharing of pictures and stories.  The best part was feeling a little bit at home for a little bit of a moment.

I wouldn’t let anything, or anyone ruin that for me.

I love you guys.  And I miss you.

  • http://janusfiles.xanga.com Janus

    Do you know if it’s a boy or girl yet? And are you and Brock already arguing over names?

    Most importantly, does Ronan comprehend the whole new brother/sister thing yet?
    Janus´s last blog post ..Space Station Chili

    • http://www.tempestbeauty.com/about-this-blogger/admin/ Mandy

      I don’t think we’re going to find out the gender! No fights over names yet… we haven’t really brought it up. And Ronan is just a little too young to comprehend the idea that there is going to be a baby, or that he’ll be a brother. I can tell him every single day from now until the baby is born, and he still probably wont get it. :)

  • Nancy

    SOOOOO glad to hear it went so well Mandy! I was thinking of you all day Tuesday and yesterday and was afraid to call in case you didn’t want to talk about it. Now that I know it’s all great-I’m so relieved and excited for you! BIG HUGS!

    • http://www.tempestbeauty.com/about-this-blogger/admin/ Mandy

      Thanks Nancy <3 Was a huge relief, in such a big way, to hear it from him. Hoping things continue to go well… and can't WAIT to hear what you're having!!

  • Nancy

    Were you able to tell yet what your new little bundle will be? You can text me if that’s better. : )

  • http://janusfiles.xanga.com Janus

    So a few months from now, you and Brock are going to bring home the new arrival, and Ronan is going to be wondering, “What the hell is this?”
    Janus´s last blog post ..Space Station Chili