My Little Love.

Posted on September 30, 2010 by Mandy

<3.

Where I’m From.

Posted on September 28, 2010 by Mandy

I am from knitted sweaters and socks, from Kraft Dinner with ketchup and beef barley soup that I can never make quite the way she can.

I am from the Great White North, the friendly, caring, crisp with cold mountains, lovely plains of grain, Tim Hortons and hockey.

I am from the hay in the fields, the frozen water under the bridge, the rhubarb in the back garden.

I am from pancakes in the morning that “will be lumpy” and bent pinky fingers, from Jerry and Nancy and Osmond and DesRoches.

I am from the loving sarcasm and quiet acceptance.

From thinking for myself and always asking questions.

I am from confusion and indecision. A God who loves me, and a god who doesn’t exist. A choice to believe what I feel is right.

I’m from Edmonton and Eastern Europe, PÔT-EN-PÔT and Christmas meat pies.

From the Grandmother that lost her daughter to cancer, the Grandfather that lost his life to the same, and the brilliant, beautiful families they left behind.

I am from a radiant mother, a powerful father, brothers I adore and many more I miss beyond words.

Unknown family members (I’m sure my mom will say!) with Sharon, Nancy (Mom) and Cindy.

My lovely mother, as beautiful as I’ve always seen her.

Dad and Mom (Jerry and Nancy) on their wedding day.

Mom with my oldest brother, Adam.

Mom and Dad bring home their baby girl… Me!

Two boys and their baby sister… and one of the most precious pictures time will ever see.

Adam is 2 1/2, Ryan is 1 1/2 and I am quite tiny.

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This creative writing meme is from Nichole at In These Small Moments, and

Those Eyes.

Posted on September 27, 2010 by Mandy

She Makes Herself Known.

Posted on September 24, 2010 by Mandy

I have been feeling kicks like these for ages…

Finally caught some on video today. Hope this works!

Nightmare.

Posted on September 24, 2010 by Mandy

I know that when you’re pregnant, hormones can lead to some incredibly vivid dreams.

I had one last night that is sticking with me, and it was terrible.

I dreamt I was having contractions (and I probably was) while Brock and I were putzing around at home. I don’t know why, but I decided to “check” myself, and found that I could feel the baby’s head. I looked at Brock, all excited, and told him it was time! We had to get to the birthing center! Brock had to find someone to watch Ronan, so I left without him.

But somewhere, along the way to the center, I realized that I wasn’t 40 weeks, but actually only 20 weeks… and this wasn’t a good thing. I was about to deliver a non-viable, premature baby. I made a detour to the hospital, and went in to the ER. I told them I was 20 weeks, and the baby was crowning, and I needed them to stop it. They didn’t believe me. Finally, a doctor checked me and said that I was right! I needed to get upstairs!

There was a lot of to-do involved in getting upstairs, included filling out paperwork and a helicopter ride. When I got there, Dr. Shaver was waiting for me. He told me everything would be okay. I cried with relief, I had never been so happy to see another person in my life. They were going to put the baby back in, stitch my cervix closed, and we would be fine. I knew we were going to be okay. He said he would wait in the operating room, and I had to be cleared for surgery. I was sitting at some sort of registration counter, panicking because I was having contractions, and one of the nurses told me to lean forward. There was blood everywhere. They told me it was my bloody-show. All of a sudden, I was in full on labor, and it was terrible. I was crying out in pain, and they wouldn’t give me anything… not even Tylenol.

In the end, I delivered the baby, and they whisked it away so I couldn’t see. They told me it wasn’t too bad, it was just a zygote, and kept showing me pictures of 4 and 5 days after conception. I cried and cried. I knew they were lying to me… I had seen my baby. She was whole, and fully formed. She had fingers, and hair. She wasn’t just a clump of cells. And I had lost her.

I woke up feeling unsettled and upset, and the feeling didn’t get better until I felt the sweet baby in my belly move.

I hate how good dreams are always so fleeting and hard to remember, but bad dreams stick with us even when we want to forget.

Ronan – 19 Months.

Posted on September 24, 2010 by Mandy

Today.

Posted on September 23, 2010 by Mandy

Today, I have a 19 month old son.

Today, I am 19 weeks and 5 days pregnant with a little girl.

Today, I have decided that it wont make me a bad mother, wife or woman to hire someone to help me clean my house.

Today, I will watch Glee while I get things done.

Today, I cuddled with my son for several blissful minutes, and was thankful.

Today, I will take pictures.

Today, I washed my new Flip cloth diapers several times in preparation for wearing.

Today, I will drive to the bank and deposit checks, and use it as an excuse to have lunch with my husband.

Today, I decided that sleep was less important than love at 1 am, and do not regret it.

Today, I will drink more than 50 ounces of water.

Today, I lost track of how many contractions I’d had before breakfast.

Today, I asked Ronan to kiss me a hundred times, and he did. Each! Time!

Today, my allergies are beyond belief, and I’m ready for ragweed season to be over.

Today, I cried for a moment when I remembered and regretted weaning my son from nursing.

Today, I made my first purchase from www.babysteals.com.

Today, a picture of my beautiful nieces made me cry… and terribly excited for a daughter.

Today, I can see my child kick from outside of my belly.

Today is a good day. And it’s not even noon yet.

A Big First.

Posted on September 21, 2010 by Mandy

Yesterday was a big day. Bigger for me than it was for Ronan, I think. I so very much didn’t want it to be a big deal, and at the same time – it IS a big deal. I didn’t cry, or get hysterical, nor did I feel like something monumental had changed.

I don’t know for sure how to feel about it now, a day later. I feel like it IS pretty monumental.

Ronan had his first hair cut.

We went to Snip-Its, which is a kid-oriented place in Huntersville. There are funny looking characters everywhere, and every hair cut station has a TV attached. They offer animal crackers and suckers for your snacking pleasure.

Ronan sat up in the chair like a pro, and immediately requested “That?” and a steady stream of animal crackers kept him busy.

The before shots:

Very interested in the little movie.

That is a SERIOUS baby mullet.

Ronan’s stylist (I don’t know what else to call her?) put the cape around his shoulders, and he didn’t seem to mind. He didn’t really even notice that she was doing anything at first.

Mouth full of cracker.

He was very pleased to get a sucker. Started checking out what all the other kids were doing.

“Woah! What are you doing back there?”

“Okay, let’s take this off now.”

All done. Big boy with his big boy hair cut!

The view from behind. No more baby mullet! But no more curls.

In the end, I was super proud of him for how well he behaved, and can’t believe how different he looks. Brock and I both feel like he looks younger, rather than older… more like he did before his hair started growing in!

And there we have it. A big first for the baby books. Never again will a hair cut matter so much. Never will we be able to go back to the time before. Our baby boy is growing up, and he’s definitely not a baby any more.

A Perfect Day.

Posted on September 20, 2010 by Mandy

The other day, my friend Joy asked me if we would come over for a cook out. She said it would be friends and kids and a lot of fun.

I haven’t done much fun in a while. I haven’t had any free time on the weekends in a while. But I just happened to have this Sunday off. I wanted to go so badly, and somehow things never seem to work out. But Brock said we would go, and we were determined. Even though I slept in until 1pm, we managed to get out stuff together and get going before too late.

We met a bunch of Joy and Brandon’s awesome friends, and all of us had kids around the same age. Most of our time was spent sitting, watching the kids play, and commenting on their actions… but it was so great. They were all having so much fun, so many giggles and laughs. We spent time inside, and outside. We played with a wagon. We watched the Care Bears Movie. (For real, the old school one. Remember it?) We wrangled up a dinner while wrangling up our kids and got everyone to eat. It was honestly amazing to spend that much time with a bunch of people who have kids the same age and know exactly what you are going through.

I felt like I was being obnoxious with my camera, and in retrospect wish I had taken a hundred more pictures. A thousand more. There can never be too many pictures.

We came home feeling full, happy, and tired. Ronan went to sleep the moment we laid him in his crib. It was such a perfect day. We made memories yesterday. I’m glad we did.