I have this sense of serenity. A peace and yet excitement about the future that I haven’t had in a long time. I feel like I know where I’m going, and there is a definite path to get there. No wondering, hoping, or being let down by someone else. This one is all about me.
Yet Ronan is an enigma. His sleep has fallen to bits, his behavior is atrocious, and his attitudes are killer. He hits and throws toys with reckless abandon. He busts out a monumental fit at the drop of a hat. We can’t reliably take him ANYWHERE. Brock and I are at our collective wits end about how to deal with him, and what the cause is. Teething? Doesn’t look like it. Ears? He checked out clean at the ped today. Lack of sleep? That’s probably it, but we can’t get the kid to sleep lately!
Last night, he was up until nearly 8 o’clock after being put in bed at 6:30. He woke at 2am. And then 2:30. And then 3. So on, and so forth until around 5am. He then woke at his normal time, 7:30am after getting so little sleep that I can’t believe he’s functioning.
Also, keep in mind this is the same kid that just a few short weeks ago was going to bed at 5:30 every night, and sleeping until 8:30 every morning, PLUS a 2 hour nap! If he woke in the night, a few minutes of being left alone he would go back to sleep. Now? Now, he may be poopy. So EVERY SINGLE WAKE UP, I have to go check on him.
And I have to say, it’s not that it’s so terrible that I can’t handle it. I think it’s the not knowing. Is this normal behavior stuff? Is he stressing because we’re stressing (jobs, money, new babies, stuff)? Or is there something physically going on that we just aren’t figuring out?
It’s the not knowing that kills me.
Every day is pretty terrible… but every day is pretty wonderful too! There are a lot of great moments. Lots of kisses, cuddles, laughs… he makes us laugh every single day.
I’m not wishing time away. I’m just hoping that things get a little better, so we feel level again. Because right now, when it comes to Ronan, I feel pretty lost.