We have changed gears.
It is a funny situation when your whole focus, the point of your being, goes from doing everything possible to keep the baby in… to suddenly wanting the baby out.
Since around 27 weeks, I have been modifying my activity to be sure I didn’t cause contractions. I haven’t picked up my son, done laundry, haven’t vacuumed the living room or had sex with my husband. I have been trying to take it as easy as possible at work. All I could think about, every single day, was making sure I didn’t have a premature baby.
…and then we crossed the imaginary line in the sand. 37 weeks on Saturday and suddenly everything is okay. Suddenly, if she comes, we’ll be fine. She’ll be healthy. Everything will be okay. As a matter of fact, it you want her out a little sooner, go ahead and start – insert previously abstained activity here.
The change of pace is unsettling. On one hand, I want her in my arms… I want to hold her. I want to know she’s healthy and everything is okay. On the other hand, just because we have crossed that line doesn’t mean we are ready. I need a little more time. I can’t just turn my brain around and start working to get her here sooner than when she’s ready.
I need to pack a birth bag. I need to wash baby clothes. I need to get the carpets cleaned and buy a mattress cover for my bed. She needs to wait just a little longer. The numbers say it’s okay for her to be here, but my heart says let’s wait.
Of course, if I want to make sure that she won’t be here before Valentine’s day, all I need to do is go out and buy her a perfect V Day outfit… that’s almost a guarantee.