Life’s Rough.

Adjusting to major changes is hard.

Adjusting to having two kids is hard.

Dealing with no sleep, screaming, and baby constipation is really hard.

No naps, and exhaustion, and time outs and getting slapped in the face are all really hard.

Nothing can come even close to comparing to how I feel about going back to work.

I have a ton of shit bottled inside right now, and I don’t know how to let it out.  Anger, frustration, fear, guilt.  It is eating me up like you would not believe.

I don’t want to blog about it.

I shouldn’t.

Instead, I just keep going day to day, acting like I’m not upset with emotions I’m having trouble controlling simmering just under the surface.

I will clean the house.

I will bounce with Ruby.

I will play with Ronan.

I will stay calm.

I will not cry.

But I will want to.

Facebook Comments
  • whatever way you can find to let it out can and should happen, darling!! are you really close with any of your parents/in-laws? or is there a sibling or friend you can talk to? you certainly are not required to act happy all the time if you’re not feeling that way! and being so pent up is so stressful! i’m terribly sorry to hear you’re struggling. make sure you let it out and get the support you need somehow, even if you have to explicitly ask for it. and of course, use my email address if it will help! i’ve always got a listening ear!

    tons of love, mama. xoxoxo.

  • Stacy

    I’ve been there. Having two kids is Sooo hard at first. I didn’t realize how incredibly easy having one child was until I had my second. But, once ruby gets a little older, its 100x easier. I promise! I’m order to keep your sanity you must nap when they nap (no cleaning the house!) And the most important thing, getting time to yourself. I know you’re nursing, but just getting out of the house, even for a ten min drive helped. I was so stressed about constantly doing something. Answering questions, feeding, changing, wiping, etc. Get a break!! It helps, Sooo much.

  • Angela

    Two from one is the hardest transition. It was more difficult for me than two to three.

    I’m sure you don’t want advice, but I felt so alone when I went through this. Don’t bottle it up and make sure you get some attention if you start feeling depressed.

    It is good to cry. My favorite method was to put the baby in the bouncer in my room, the older kid with a movie, and to lock the bathroom door (and the bedroom door, just in case older kid was feeling jealous) and sob into a towel for five minutes. It did help.

    I hope you get the support and sleep you need.

    Thanks for blogging about this. I felt like a leper when I had postpartum depression. All the other moms I knew had the euphoric experience and I had such a difficult time relating to anyone. Thank you for starting the dialogue. I hope it gets easier for you soon.