I’m a liar.
I didn’t mean to be. I thought I was telling the truth. But I wasn’t – I lied.
And I’m not sorry.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words… these are worth millions.
Ruby and I have been breastfeeding. Exclusively. For nearly two weeks.
I don’t know what changed. I don’t know why it happened. I said I was done, and I meant it… until I tried again. And something was different. Perhaps I had given up the fear of failure. Perhaps I was no longer hurting in my heart. Perhaps Ruby just knew. I don’t know why and it just started working.
Ruby and I took a 2 day nursing vacation. We started giving her my milk in sippy-cups whenever I’m not here. I pull her hands down gently when I need to. I make every effort to nurse every single time that I can. And it just keeps getting better. Her latch keeps getting better. Her patience keeps getting better. She doesn’t pinch, she doesn’t pull back. It. Doesn’t. Hurt.
I have been SO EXCITED to write this blog post. I have been LOVING taking pictures to share. I have been terrified that if I breathed a word, if I mentioned it, it would all fall to bits. I wanted to wait until I’d worked enough shifts, until I’d successfully come home and nursed again enough times that I felt like I no longer needed to hold my breath. I don’t know that we’re entirely past that point… but we’re getting there. Every day we nurse, we’re getting there.
I want and need to thank every single person that has helped us on this journey. Every cheerleader. Every encourager. Every supporter. Each one of you helped me take it one day at a time, push for one more try, not give up in my saddest, darkest moments. I couldn’t and wouldn’t have done it without you.
Thank you. Thank you so, so very much. Thank you for this.