The Cold, Hard Truth.

I’m a liar.

I didn’t mean to be.  I thought I was telling the truth.  But I wasn’t – I lied.

And I’m not sorry.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words… these are worth millions.

Ruby and I have been breastfeeding.  Exclusively.  For nearly two weeks.

I don’t know what changed.  I don’t know why it happened.  I said I was done, and I meant it… until I tried again.  And something was different.  Perhaps I had given up the fear of failure.  Perhaps I was no longer hurting in my heart.  Perhaps Ruby just knew.  I don’t know why and it just started working.

Ruby and I took a 2 day nursing vacation.  We started giving her my milk in sippy-cups whenever I’m not here.  I pull her hands down gently when I need to.  I make every effort to nurse every single time that I can.  And it just keeps getting better.  Her latch keeps getting better.  Her patience keeps getting better.  She doesn’t pinch, she doesn’t pull back.  It. Doesn’t. Hurt.

I have been SO EXCITED to write this blog post.  I have been LOVING taking pictures to share.  I have been terrified that if I breathed a word, if I mentioned it, it would all fall to bits.  I wanted to wait until I’d worked enough shifts, until I’d successfully come home and nursed again enough times that I felt like I no longer needed to hold my breath.  I don’t know that we’re entirely past that point… but we’re getting there.  Every day we nurse, we’re getting there.

I want and need to thank every single person that has helped us on this journey.  Every cheerleader.  Every encourager.  Every supporter.  Each one of you helped me take it one day at a time, push for one more try, not give up in my saddest, darkest moments.  I couldn’t and wouldn’t have done it without you.

Thank you.  Thank you so, so very much.  Thank you for this.

 

  • Amanda Carnes (crunchy_candid)

    I’m so happy for you both! I know how hard of a road it’s been. What wonderful relationship you both share!

  • http://inthesesmallmoments.com Nichole

    Truly beautiful photos, Mandy.
    And what a lovely story to share.
    Enjoy every single moment, my friend.
    Much love…
    Nichole´s last blog post ..Faith

  • hayley

    Omg i am in tears! So so proud of yall and so happy! I love u both!

  • Elliemahar

    I’m crying–I’m so very happy for you! The look on both of your faces in these photos is pure joy.

  • http://mvstephenson.wordpress.com Verna

    Oh yay!! I’m so happy for you I’m tearing up!! Love love love the pictures! ((HUG)) Great job Mama!!

  • Becca

    it melts my heart to read this!! I’m so happy for you and Ruby!! <3 Love to you both!

  • http://babylon2jerusalem.wordpress.com Laura

    So happy for you, friend!

  • http://janusfiles.xanga.com Janus

    Okay, I can’t stop grinning at the moment. Remember what I kept telling you? It’s nice to know that I was right.

    ” . . . With strong hearts full, our souls ignite . . . ”
    Janus´s last blog post ..Things That Go THUNK! In The Night

  • http://www.andallthatbiz.com Biz (@That_Biz)

    Tears streaming down my cheeks. So amazing. So beautiful. You are one hell of a momma!
    Biz (@That_Biz)´s last blog post ..Stay, beautiful baby.

  • Supa

    :) yay, I’m so proud of you!

  • http://naptimemomtog.com Sarah

    I love it soooo much!! YAY!
    Sarah´s last blog post ..This or That Thursday

  • Lisa

    I am crying tears of joy for you right now. As someone who struggled mightily to nurse by twins (they took 2 months and 3 months to latch and nurse), I cannot believe how strong you have been. I also wanted to thank you for sharing your story. When my daughter was 2.5 months old and still wouldn’t latch, I keep worrying that surely it must be too late – that if she hadn’t figured it out by then, then surely it couldn’t ever work. I found very few success stories online and just had to keep persevering with blind faith that it would happen. Your courage to share your story will certainly give others the strength to persevere in struggles. Throught that, you are giving more babies than just your own the gift of a beautiful nursing relationship. Bravo mama. Enjoy every minute. I am still nursing my 14.5 month old twins and I am grateful every single day that I didn’t give up. You are a role model for us all.

  • http://www.catelinden.com Cate

    Oh Mandy…I am crying a little just reading this. I am so, so happy for both you and Ruby. I know how hard you’ve both worked for this. The pictures are absolutely beautiful!
    Cate´s last blog post ..Boy or Girl?

  • http://www.desperatelyseekingsilence.com tricia

    i am literally bawling right now. this is the best, happiest, most wonderful blog post i’ve read in quite a long time. i can’t tell you how proud i am of you, how in awe i am of you, how much i admire every single thing you do. my heart is bursting with happiness and joy for this amazing and incredible success. i don’t think i have the words to tell you how happy i am for you, my dear friend. and the pictures? yeah, killing me.
    tricia´s last blog post ..Baby fever

  • http://www.mybottlesup.com nic @mybottlesup

    WEEPING with joy for you, mama. what a warrior you are!!!
    nic @mybottlesup´s last blog post ..the publicly acceptable profession

  • http://www.poppymilkface.wordpress.com emily bilbrey

    i’m just bursting at the seams with joy for you!!! oh mandy, how wonderful. such incredibly happy news, and oh how gorgeous these photos are! over the moon for you, my beautiful friend. keep it up! YAY!!! xoxoxo.

  • http://NursingRubySue Samantha

    OMW! Thats so awesome! I’m so excited for you and your Ruby. So happy it has finally worked out for you. I always knew it would. Its really encouraging to hear this. It gives me hope that me and my Ruby will be able nurse one day.

  • Elisa

    I like to check back every now and then on your blog since it was posted on The Leaky B@@b. SO glad to hear you have worked it out with Ruby. I know you have been through a LOT to get to this moment, and I hope you get many more wonderful breastfeeding moments to come. Please accept these words from a stranger who was touched by your story, congratulations!

  • acjjj

    Yay!!!!!!! So happy for you and Ruby.

  • http://joyfuladdition.blogspot.com Jose and Inger

    Simply beautiful and wonderful. We’re so happy for you both!
    Jose and Inger´s last blog post ..Ferris wheel, toys & a dinosaur … oh my!

  • http://twitter.com/2bkate 2bkate

    Happy tears for you both!!
    2bkate´s last blog post ..2bKate: @Kittykatgrr it rains for like 5 min then stops @BashIsHot @snotandboogers

  • L

    Oh Mandy I am so pleased for you and Ruby. I posted on your “cry for help” when my son was 12 weeks. He is 5 months tomorrow. I am, no, we are still trying. Hoping to get his PTT snipped for the third time in the next couple of weeks. I am just so so pleased to see your update and I know what it must mean to you both. Massively well done to you for hanging on in there.

  • http://contentedlycrunchy.blogspot.com Brea

    YAY!!!!!!!!! Oh! i am THRILLED for you!!!
    Brea´s last blog post ..Love Your Body Day