Ryder Kane – The Birth

On Wednesday, November 21st, I was 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant.  I was tired of being pregnant, and tired of trying to be patient, and ready to have a baby.  I had been looking forward to giving birth, and SO EXCITED for so long, only to continue being pregnant.  I was READY.

Brock, my mom and I were all sitting on the couch watching TV.  My contractions were strong when I had them, but they were so sporadic it quickly became frustrating.  I decided, for the first time, to take matters into my own hands… so I started some nipple stimulation to see if it would help things ‘pick up’.  It really, really did.  Contractions came hard and fast and long.  At one point, they were only 4 minutes apart!  I stopped nipple stimulation, and the contractions kept coming.  Around 10pm, I told Brock that I felt like things were getting real – really real.  He said that he was tired and went upstairs to get in bed for a while… and I got miffed.  Angrily, I sat down on the couch and brooded and grumped myself out of labor.  By 11pm, my contractions had essentially stopped.

Mom and I spent a good half hour picking up the house and making things presentable just in case things got started again, and when they didn’t, we said goodnight. I was still upset with Brock when I got in bed, so I told him.  He apologized, we kissed and made up, and went to sleep.  I was awakened a few minutes later with a good, hard contraction.  “Good“, I thought, and I ignored it and went back to sleep.  Contraction.  Sleep.  Contraction.  Sleep.

I continued this way until nearly 2am when I finally decided to start timing them.  They were 7 minutes apart.  I got up, ran the tub full of water, lit a bunch of candles and decided that I would call my midwife the moment they got closer than 6 minutes apart.  I got in the tub, jittery and excited, allowed myself to relax and… nothing.

Just freaking nothing.  I didn’t have another single contraction for the 30 minutes I sat in the tub.  I sent Brock back to bed, told him to sleep, and I tried to doze again.  Contraction.  Sleep.  Contraction.  Sleep.  Contraction.  Anger.  Frustration.  Sleep.  Was this real, or not?

I got out of bed, quietly, and noticed my mom was awake.  It was around 4am, and I asked if she wanted to go downstairs with me.  I needed something to eat, and perhaps some mindless TV while I tried to bounce on the ball, squat, and do anything I could think of to make my uterus make up its mind.  I called my midwife to tell her what was going on (contracting 6-10 minutes apart since around midnight) and she said she would head over.  Mom and I sat and watched America’s Funniest Home Videos and snacked while we waited.  I was nervous about a false alarm, so I drank a little bit of red wine.  But the contractions kept coming, and they were getting stronger.

Stephanie, my midwife, showed up about an hour later, and my contractions – you guessed it! – STOPPED.  Completely.  For nearly an hour we sat and chatted while I didn’t have a single one.  I started getting more and more nervous, and felt more and more like a false-alarm jerk until around 6am, when they started picking up again.  I told her I had been contracting ALL night, and checking myself and my cervix hadn’t changed a bit.  To me, I still felt about 1cm dilated, maybe 50% effaced.  She asked me if I’d like her to check me and I jumped at the chance.  Maybe I just really suck at this checking myself.

“Well, you have a very posterior cervix.  Girl!  How do you even reach this??!  Let me see if I can help it out,” she told me.  I laughed and muttered something about long fingers.  She hooked her fingers into my cervix and gently coaxed it more forward/anterior.  It wasn’t comfortable, but it wasn’t painful or terrible either.  After a minute or so of mucking around she said, “You have a very happy cervix!  It feels about 5cm dilated, and 75% effaced!”  She then went on to explain how the baby’s head can’t apply the right kind of pressure to a posterior cervix, and moving it forward allowed it to open to where it should have been with all my contractions.

Woooooooo!  My heart soared!  Not a false alarm!  Things are moving!!  We are having a baby today!!!  Immediately after, I FINALLY had a bloody show and lost my mucus plug.  The contractions kept coming with increasing intensity (although not any more frequently) and we started making phone calls.  Laura C, to come over and help with the kids when they woke up.  Jane, to come and bring the kids to her house.  Julie, to be the awesome  midwife assistant.  And Lora D, to be my birth photographer.  It felt like just minutes passed, and people started showing up in my house.  Suddenly I was in a living room full of energetic, beautiful, birthy women that were all there just to support me.

It was 7:30am, and both of my kids were still sleeping, which is kind of unheard of.  I went upstairs to my bathroom while the midwives got all of their equipment brought in and set up.  I didn’t want Ronan or Ruby to see me when they woke, since they would be leaving – we felt better telling them mama wasn’t home.  There was lots of happy sitting and chatting in the bathroom while I contracted every 10-15 minutes or so.  From here on out, my timeline gets hazy, because I didn’t have a clock and gave my cell phone to Laura (@kittybiscuit) so she could live-tweet.  But once the kids were picked up, it was time for things to get serious, and since I felt like I didn’t need to worry about Ronan or Ruby – I could finally get serious.

Stephanie made me “run the stairs” to see if that would get things moving a little faster.  Down each step one at a time, up two at a time, as quickly as I could.  Someone at the top to cheer me on, and someone at the bottom.  I was high on adrenaline, and excited to be moving towards my goal: a brand new baby.  I did the steps 6 times and then needed a rest.  Snacked.  Drank water.  Peed.  Contracted.  Contracted.  Contracted.

A while later, Stephanie sent Brock and I out for a walk.  Power walking, stopping through contractions, during which my mom cooked everyone breakfast.  This was the first time that my contractions really picked up, and started coming more frequently than every 15 minutes.  We came back in the house and chatted with everyone while they finished eating.  It was so lovely.  Bright, friendly, full of laughter.  All of my support people seemed so happy to be there.  It was right around then that my contractions became hard and long enough to moan through.  I stood for 5 or 6 of them, and then wanted to move into the living room.  I started needing counter pressure, long contractions with lots of moaning.  Stephanie and Julie nodded at each other knowingly.  I wanted to get moving upstairs towards the bathroom, where I had planned, visualized, and dreamed about having this baby.

I remember motion.  My labor was so full of motion.  It felt good to rock, and sway, and move.  I danced my way through every single contraction.

It was around this point, Stephanie suggested that I lay down in bed and try to sleep between contractions.  I hadn’t actually slept at all yet, and some quiet time in a dark room seemed like it would do me good.  So we pulled all the curtains, turned out the lights, and Brock and I cuddled into bed for a nap.  It was wonderful.  Quiet, and comfortable, and… contraction.  They were still far apart enough that I could actually rest between them.  I dozed.  I snoozed just a little.  I finally fell asleep…  and then I was woken up by the biggest, strongest contraction yet.  It felt pushy.  I wanted to get in the tub.  Immediately.

I got out of bed and stripped, started the tub, and everyone else moved upstairs to join me.  Being in the water felt amazing.  My contractions, still plenty far apart, were incredibly powerful.  I wanted to push at the peak of them.  Everyone got very quiet when a contraction started coming on.  Between contractions, we had chatter, jokes and lots of smiles.  My mom was worried.  Stephanie was calm.  Laura C was excited!  Julie was bright and encouraging.  Lora D was comforting.  And Brock was strong.

Eventually, after changing positions several times, I wanted Brock in the tub behind me.  I wanted to lean on him, push against him, hold his hands.  He sat in that position and bore my weight for the rest of the delivery.  I asked for music, and then wanted it turned off.  I rolled on to hands and knees, and then back.  Stephanie told me to check myself and see if I could feel the baby’s head, and I could!  It was right there, less than my first knuckle deep!  With every SLOW coming contraction, I would push… but they weren’t the right kind of pushes.  They weren’t the pushes that made a baby come out.

I started getting incredibly frustrated.  And angry.  I wanted the contractions, because they meant a baby, but I didn’t want the contractions because they hurt.  I hummed.  I hummed oh-so-tunelessly between contractions, and started shaking my head “no” as I felt a contraction come on.  I felt myself start to cry.  I wanted to give up.  I was done.  “I’m so tired.  I’m so exhausted.  I can’t do this.  I don’t want to do this.”

Support and encouragement rose up around me.

“You CAN do this, Mandy.”

“You ARE doing this.”

“You’re almost there, and when the hard part is over you get to hold your baby.”

“You are so strong, Mandy.  You are tired, but your body is strong.”

I shook my head.  I didn’t want to hear the words.  I didn’t want to believe them.  But they were right.  And they said all the right things.  I pushed forward.

I was tired of laying and Brock’s legs were asleep from me leaning, so we moved into a squatting position for a few contractions.  It felt good to change position, but I wanted to be laying on my side.  That was where I felt the best.  It felt like the right place to deliver a baby.  I moved back on to my side in the tub, and then checked myself again.  The head was gone.  Changing positions had made the baby move all the way back up.  I cried and cried.  I was so disappointed.

Stephanie said she wanted to give me a spot to push into.  She told me she was going to put her fingers where she wanted me to push, and that it might help me push more effectively.  When she put her fingers in to check, she said that I was an “anterior cervical lip.” (remember?!  With Ruby?!)  That means that a small portion of the front of my cervix had gotten stuck between the baby’s head and my pubic bone, and had swollen up.  I couldn’t push past it.  She said she was going to push it out of the way… and then she did.

It was literally the most painful, visceral reaction I’d ever had.  Immediately, my whole body contracted up, and I yelled out.  It hurt, but it was also just incredibly uncomfortable.  It made me feel like I wanted to puke.  But I knew it was doing something, because it REALLY made me want to push.  She said she had to keep it moved out of the way until the next contraction.  I was crying, “You’re hurting me.  You’re hurting me,” over and over.  I told her, “I REALLY want to cuss!” and then I said, “I feel like a toddler.”  Transition Mandy didn’t fail to make everyone chuckle.

The next contraction mounted, and I checked out.

“No, I don’t want to do this.  I can’t.  I can’t do this.  I’m too tired.  It hurts too much.  I want to stop.”

Julie moved up and held my hand.  She was a comforting voice in my ear, and I needed her there.

Stephanie got down to business.

Now, there is something special about midwives.  Let me tell you, they are a very unique, amazing kind of woman.  They have the beauty and grace and peace to be a rock during labor… but they also have the ability to tell you when it’s time to get the job done.  And they mean it.

“Mandy,” Stephanie told me firmly, “YOU have to decide to do this.  YOU have to get this baby out.  Now we can sit and wait and it can take a few more hours, or you can PUSH and have your baby and be done.”

Tough love.  But it worked.

I pushed, and my water broke.  I had moved the baby down far enough to start to see hair. It was waving around in the water, swaying with the motion.  It was entrancing.

I pushed, and the head began to crown.  Everyone told me to look down!  Look, you can see your baby!  “I don’t want to!” I shouted.  I just wanted to get the baby out.  The head moved back and I thought to myself, “Oh no you don’t!

I pushed, and the baby crowned.  I screamed.  It hurt, but it didn’t hurt that bad… it just felt really good to scream.  It felt like it needed to be screamed.  Another contraction.

Another push.  The head was delivered.  Perfect, covered in long, dark hair.  Two perfect ears.  Nothing else.  The baby was exactly face down.  I was crying.  Brock was crying.  I don’t know if anyone wasn’t crying.

Push.  One really, big, hard, long push.  The shoulders came out all at once, broadly, and body followed so quickly after.  It’s still just a hazy blur, it was so fast.  Stephanie helped me pull the baby up on to my chest, and quickly unwound a single nuchal cord.  I reached my arm down and cupped the little bottom and felt testicles!  “It’s a boy!” I shouted.  I felt Brock’s arms wrap around me as we both gazed down at this perfect little being, our brand new baby boy.  There was vernix everywhere, and his sweet little head was slippery with it.  I couldn’t stop touching him.  He opened his mouth in a single cry and I proclaimed, with tears in my eyes, “Oh baby boy, you are SO tongue tied.”

We sat in the tub together, gazing at each other until his cord stopped pulsing.  I delivered the placenta easily, and let my mom cut the cord.  Brock took the baby, already named Ryder Kane, and got to hold his sweet son as I got up out of the tub, toweled off and moved to the bed.  A few moments later, Ryder was handed to me for his first latch.  And despite his tongue tie, he nursed well immediately.  His newborn evaluation announced him to be 7 pounds and 4 ounces, 21 inches long.  And perfect.

I can’t even begin to imagine a better birth, a more beautiful day.  I am still surprised it took so long (10 hours from when Stephanie came until birth!) but I wouldn’t have changed a thing about it.  I was happy, and surrounded by love.  I had the worlds most perfect birth partner – Brock did EVERYTHING right.  I have never been more proud of him.  My mother was there, and even though it was very difficult for her, she stayed for me.  My beautiful friend Laura got to share in the joy, and shared the joy with all of you.  Stephanie and Julie made me feel safe, and calm, and so powerful.  And Lora took the most amazing pictures of the most incredible day that I will never, ever forget.  She captured each moment.  Perfectly.

In closing, I’d love to share my birth photography video with you.  Thank you for reading, and being a part of this beautiful miracle, even in just one small way.  Enjoy.


Mandy Birth from Lora Denton on Vimeo.

  • http://www.longlostpenpal.com/ Gemma

    CONGRATULATIONS to all of you!
    It’s so funny to see this all written out like it took no time at all, because I was checking twitter and crossing my fingers for you and it felt like it was soooooo long.
    I can’t get over how strong you look in all these pictures! I’m a few years away from having babies myself, but for me you’re such a good advocate for natural birth, and reading about them and your strength you show is so inspiring. It really makes me question the norm we have about birth here in the UK and gives me a lot to think about for the future when I (hopefully!) have babies.
    Also your mum looks so much like you!
    Also I have a question about tongue tie. I don’t really know anything about it apart from what you’ve written so far with Ruby and now Ryder, but is it something that all babies have to some degree?
    Congratulations again! I can’t wait to read more about getting to know Ryder as you write. (And I’m still impressed that you found the time to write this all up already!)

  • http://twitter.com/lifeoflaurie Laurie

    Mandy, I am sobbing my heart out! What a beautiful birth story…and the video…it was perfect!

    Huge congratulations to you ALL on the birth of amazing little Ryder. Your babies are so blessed to have you.

    Much love, Laurie. x

  • AshleighVSing

    I LOVE this! Such a beautiful and memorable birth story plus the photos.. oh my God the photos! So powerful and I can’t even think of words to explain. I just love this. I am so happy for you all and that you were able to have these moments captured, as well as having the perfect birth! And I adore you Moms expression and love in all of the photos as well. Congrats again!

  • Crys321


    Let me start by saying Ryder is 100% precious and perfect.
    That being said, obviously this is the case with all of your kids and the reason is clear as day! YOU are their mother. You are amazing, and strong, and courageous, and determined and GORGEOUS! I mean really!? You are the only person I know that could look absolutely breath taking while enduring the most exhausting and painful thing a woman can go through. Your story is perfect and the video is beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing, Kiss Ryder, Ruby and Ronan for me. Congrats and much love.

    Stay amazing,

  • Courtneyhelton82

    You are truly and inspiration! The photos are amazing! Thank you for sharing such a private, beautiful moment.

    Courtney (@icu_rn82)

  • Alowery527

    Oh Mandy. I’m sitting here sobbing!! So gorgeous! Loved your video!

  • http://www.SkyWaitress.com/ SkyWaitress

    Oh my goodness. I am bawling at that video. Your photographer is amazing. What pure beauty.

  • Shana Freeman

    Oh Mandy! That was so extremely beautiful. My face is soaked from crying my eyes out :’) You are an amazing writer and an awesome mom :)

  • http://www.adayinmollywood.com molly

    What a beautiful birth story! Congrats on the sweet babe :)

  • http://janusfiles.xanga.com/ Janus

    First of all, Mandy, congratulations!

    While the other commenters said that they were crying their eyes out, I found myself chuckling as I read this entry, especially at “Oh no, you don’t!” I haven’t watched the video. So, how did Ronan and Ruby react to the new arrival when they first saw him?

    And just remember, All Will Be Well.

  • Teresa

    Thank you for sharing this beautiful story and photos! I had my son four months ago, but after reading your detailed story, it felt like my labor was yesterday! LOVE it!!

  • http://www.laurieappleby.com/blog.html Laurie

    The picture of you kissing Ryder’s hand…ohmygosh. I have a picture of me doing the same with Ruby, it just made my heart melt. Thank you for sharing your story and the photos with us. Congratulations :)

  • http://janusfiles.xanga.com/ Janus

    And on Thursday, November 22, you were thankful that you were no longer pregnant? :)

  • Rosie Macdonald

    Love love love everything about this post and the pictures. So happy for you and your family! <3

  • SarahLiz

    Love, love, love! This is pure Joy! Such beautiful photos. Thank you so much for sharing.

  • Diana @ frontyardfoodie

    Bawled my eyes out over your slideshow. So beautiful.

  • Meg Vaughn

    I absolutely LOVED this! Thank you for sharing. It really touches me, especially since I can not have the birth I wanted. I love how you expressed everything & died when you said you felt like a toddler. The pictures made me tear up. Truly beautiful. To me it looks as though Ryder is looking at you like yea, I’m finally here. :)

    Loved it all! Thanks & congrats again sweetheart!

  • Ashley W Cart

    Hi, Mandy! I loved this story and have an email I wanted to send you. Could you send me your email address – it seems too long to put in a comment! xo Ash