The Changes I’ve Seen

I haven’t had a blow up in days.

When I feel myself get mad, I’m able to recognize it, and (sometimes) let it go.

My level of calm has been reflected in my kids.  I’ve seen fewer meltdowns, less yelling, and more patience with each other.

My level of calm has been able to diffuse situations when my husband is upset.

Upon finding that Ryder had destroyed a set of my bamboo double-pointed knitting needles, I was able to tell him calmly that damaging mama’s stuff hurts my heart. He put his hands on my cheeks and looked in my eyes and said, “I’m so sorry, mama.” and we hugged. There was no anger involved. I didn’t even feel the flash of it.

Last night, at bed time, I laid with my kids and talked to them. I told each of them, privately, my favorite things about them. I whispered secretly to them what I see as their greatest strengths, what I find beautiful. I loved to hear what they loved about themselves. And then they went to sleep – with no yelling, and no anger.

This morning, I was able to successfully tell my husband something he was doing that was bothering me, without making him upset. I communicated my emotions, and my needs, without making him feel blamed or at fault. It was fucking fantastic, and I felt heard.

Today, I had a realization based on a book that I am reading that asserts, “In general, everyone is doing the best that they can.” In the past, I have believed it to be true, and always think it about myself, but haven’t always applied it to others. Today, I applied it to some people that I have been serially disappointed in for a long time, and it completely changed my perspective. I very often think to myself that I really need my husband to do more, help more, be better. Today, I decided that he’s doing the best that he can, just like I am. What a FREEING feeling.

Saturday night, I went out and met a group of ladies that I didn’t know. And while I’m often super brave about stuff like that (driving to different states to meet online friends) they are always friends! People that I have known or chatted with for a while. And while none of these ladies were complete strangers, I didn’t really ‘know’ any of them. So it took a lot of courage for me to go. I went, had a fabulous time, and now feel like I have 4 more friends in my circle.

I really feel like things are going so well. Even though I’m nervous that I don’t have any therapy this week, Brock took the whole week off. We have a chance to get the house really cleaned, and catch up on laundry. We have the chance to each take a nap. We have the ability to spend some time together. We can enjoy this little holiday.

Anyways.  That’s just a quick update of how things are going, and how wonderful I feel.

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