Category Archives: Random Stuff

Costumes

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This post is intentionally not titled “Halloween”.

I have decided that I don’t like Halloween.  In the past, I have enjoyed pumpkin patch pictures, carving jack-o-lanterns, pumpkin seeds, making fall treats, dressing up and trick or treating!  All of the above!

This time around, though, all I’ve done is stress about candy, HFCS, dyes, gluten, soy, and how to keep all of that to a minimum.  I’ve felt guilty about not feeling up to going to the pumpkin patch.  We didn’t even buy a pumpkin to carve.  I have had so many negative feelings about this holiday that I decided to hate it.

But that’s okay!  I’m NOT going to beat myself up, because there’s always next year, and we still had fun, and not every holiday has to be perfect.  That being said, I will continue to dislike Halloween in the future.  Intensely.

I didn’t get many, but here are a couple SOOC pictures of my Ironman and my Cupcake.

Ronan is 3 years 8 months.  Ruby is 1 year 8 months.  I am 38 weeks pregnant.

Happy Halloween.

 

Sans Sonogram.

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You know it’s been a long time since you’ve blogged when you’ve gotten a blog request.

Kids are working out their own problems in another room.  That’s a good skill to have at a young age, right?

Anyhow.  I’m now 19 weeks pregnant with our third child.  And we aren’t finding out the gender.  As a matter of fact, we aren’t having any ultrasounds at all.  Here’s why I’m blogging about this:  not only does it seem to bother people that we don’t want to know what the gender is, but the fact that I’m an ultrasound tech means that others don’t believe that I can go 40 weeks without scanning myself.

There are just a few things: first, Brock and I have agreed that there are very few true surprises in life.  This is one we want to get to experience.  We already have a boy and a girl.  We’re ready to find out at the moment of birth what our third child is.  I couldn’t possibly me MORE excited for that moment!

Second, there was an ultrasound at 5 weeks to make sure there was a heartbeat.  There was a heartbeat.  There hasn’t been a single other scan since then.  It has been 14 weeks since then, and the urge to look has all but gone away.  I feel plenty of movement, and know in my heart that things are going well.  The longer I go without scanning, the easier it is.

Third, I understand that I work in a hospital, alone, at night and I could easily scan myself without anyone ever knowing.  (*of course I would NEVER do that because it’s against the rules!)  But here’s the thing – I don’t have anyone’s expectations to live up to but my own.  And the only person that would be disappointed by my breaking down and scanning would be me.  I am the one that wants this, therefore I am the one that will ensure it happens.  There will be no scans.  Period.

At nearly half way through this pregnancy, I’m going strong.  I feel good.  I’m happy, powerful, and ready to birth another child.  I’m ready to breastfeed again.  I’m ready to hold a newborn and smell that smell and hear those sounds.  I’m ready.

Not tomorrow, you know… but in about 20 weeks.

Blog It Out.

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I’ve been blowing up on Twitter, and several people have made the suggestion to “blog it out.”  I think it’s time.

I am not having a good go of it.  Nothing has gone well for a long time now, and it’s getting overwhelming.  I am twelve weeks pregnant with a 3 year old, a 1 year old, and an international vacation.  I flew with my very young children to Canada to spend some time with my parents and to “get a break” from it all.  It hasn’t, unfortunately, been much of a break.

One of the things I greatly underestimated was how difficult it would be for my children to adjust to SO many changes all at once.  Different place, different people, different sleep schedule, different beds, different food.  Seriously, so much.  And every single person here is so in love with them, all they want to do is get the chance to spend some time with them.  I don’t blame them, these kids are great.  But it is so overwhelming.  I can’t imagine what it’s like to a 3 year old brain.  The tantrums have been epic.  He is lashing out, and I’m safe, so he lashes out at me.  I understand it, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

Sleep has been at a premium, and no one is getting any.  Ronan has been unable to settle himself and has been awake until after 10pm every night.  Waking before 6am.  And I have been Losing. My. Shit.  Over and over again.  I think I’m going to need a vacation from my vacation.

I have hope that once we get home – to a shiny, spanking new house that Brock has been moving us into while we’ve been gone – back to our beds and our routines and our life, that things will get back to normal.  That bedtime wont be a struggle, and I wont have to worry about what Ronan ate today.  That we’ll spend less time fighting and more time playing.  That I wont feel so guilty about being such a terrible mom ALL OF THE TIME.  I’m ready for that kind of change.

Ronan having a bit of a grumpy… week.

Ruby’s first chocolate cookie.  Hey, it’s vacation.

Adjusting.

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My oh my.

It has been 22 days since my last blog post.

I find it so frustrating when I go this long without blogging.  I find it to be such an outlet, and don’t realize how pent up I’m getting with thoughts and ideas and… blogs.  Until I stop, sit down, and write again.  I remember how good it feels to write.

Our whole family is in this massive adjustment period right now.  Things are changing all around us, faster than we can keep up.  We all feel a little off our center, helter-skelter, trying to come back into balance.  Brock started back at work a few weeks ago, and he’s full time.  I mean… FULL TIME.  I am lucky if I see him before work, and he hasn’t been back before dark yet.  He has had to adjust to not getting to see the kids during the week.  We have had to adjust to no daddy.

A hundred times a day, “Where’d daddy go?”

“He went to work, buddy.”

“Oh, work.” (Pointing at himself,) “Me work?”

It’s sweet and heartbreaking and over and over.  We’ve found ourselves more often at the park, or “pay-ground.”  Trips to the Library (finally!) and playdates with friends.  Going out is tought, but staying home is tougher.

As we look forward and prepare for the coming months, there are more adjustments in store.  Ronan will be graduating out of the CDSA Speech program, and start receiving services through the school system.  Ruby will be turning one… and walking any minute.  I will be switching my work schedule from midnight shifts to day shifts.  And we may – hopefully, breathlessly – be moving out soon.  We have been so incredibly blessed to have this home, this family to stay with.  So incredibly lucky to have such wonderful, loving parents (in-laws, as it were) that allow us so graciously to squat while we get things sorted out.  But it’s stressful for everyone, and the return to normalcy will be a welcome change.

So much change.  Change is good.

What’s Going On?

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A lot of shit sucks.

A lot of shit has sucked for a long time now.

No money.  Kids sick.  Ruby not pooping.  Nursing problems.  I don’t even BEGIN to touch on my own health problems, because damn.  Those are graphic.

Things seem to be going downhill faster than we can keep up.

Therapy is going to cost money.  We don’t have money.

We are stressed out.  We are tired.  We are mad at each other all the time.

But we need to stop…

Because life is still good.  We are still here.  We have the ability to smile, and play, and kiss.

Our kids make us laugh, and our bellies are full of good food.  We watch movies and play games.

We have love.

No matter what, we are lucky.

 

 

 

 

Busy busy.

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I don’t know where to begin.

It’s Thursday already.  Where does the time go?

I have to work again on Saturday.  I feel like I just got home, and already it’s time to go back.

We had a wonderful week.  Lots of outside/park time, tons if inside family time.  Meals at the dinner table.  A bunch of cuddles and fun.

Little things make me happy right now.

Today, I had a shower before Ruby got up, and I got to do things like shave my legs and clip my toenails.

Ruby is pooping every day.  That, my friends, is a victory worth celebrating.

Ronan has little boy bruises all over his legs.  Each one is like a trophy.

Ruby smiles every time she sees her daddy.

I love watching Tangled.  Ronan loves it too.

When Ronan gives a big hug, he pats you on the back.  It seriously kills me.

Ruby finally likes the swing.  Things have actually gotten done around the house this week.

We have ants.  A little thing that makes me UNhappy.  Also, it’s impossible to keep all food off the floor with a toddler.

Ruby has woken up 16 times in the time it has taken me to write out this jumble of thoughts.  I should probably go to bed.

Also?  I love breastfeeding and co-sleeping with my babe.

Yeah, it’s the small things.

 

 

 

 

 

Ronan is 2 years and 2 months old, Ruby is 2 months old.

What a Week.

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My poor, lonely, neglected blog.

My dad hijacked my computer while he was here, and used it the whole 6 days.  That is my excuse and I’m sticking to it.

Ruby is asleep in the Sleepy-wrap on my chest.  Ronan is in bed and has been sleeping since around 6:30.

How can so many things change in so few days that I feel overwhelmed trying to write them all?

Ronan turned 2 years old yesterday.  Two years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to imagine saying those words.  I wouldn’t have been able to comprehend the blink in which time goes by.  I look at him, my big two year old boy, and then look at Ruby.  In one more blink, she will be turning two.  It’s so hard to come to terms with, and yet that is life.

Ruby has been having some trouble in the evenings with belly pain… she seems so gassy, and her cries are so sad.  I haven’t eaten anything terribly gassifying, and narrowed it down to over-active let-down.  If you aren’t familiar with boob-speak, that means that my milk comes out too fast, and she’s swallowing a lot of air trying to keep up with the gulping.  So, now, I pull her off if she’s getting choked, burp her multiple times per feeding, and have seen quite a bit of improvement.

Last weekend, we went to Ronan’s second birthday party.  I know, you’re thinking “went to?”  That’s because my amazing friends threw the party for me – in the event that I would have a newborn, or possibly still be pregnant.  It was amazing.  So many wonderful friends came, and all of the little ones had so much fun.  I took a ton of pictures, and can’t wait to share them.

Also, Mom and Dad were here.  It was such a short visit, and yet I loved every single second.  I stayed up too late, and did too much.  We spent too much money.  We didn’t get anything done.  But it was so wonderful, and again reminds me why I love my parents so much.  It makes me question again and again why I choose to live so far away.  It makes me wonder why I can’t get them to move here.  Mom insisted we fix our grill, and then bought us a patio set for our back porch.  Dad bought a book shelf and built it, then installed it in my bedroom.  Mom and I went through tons and tons of clothes, and even made a trip to Goodwill to drop off what we didn’t want to keep.  And while Ruby’s room didn’t get painted, we still managed to organize and clean out the whole room.  Ronan loved… LOVED his grandparents.  Always wanted to sit on Grandpas lap, and was able to get away with anything from Grandma.

The best moment of the whole week?  When Ronan was sitting on my dad’s lap, and dad offered him a bite of food.  Ronan turned around, kissed dad full on the lips, and then accepted the bite.  The grin on my dad’s face after receiving an unsolicited kiss was priceless.

Argh.   I have so much more to say, and no more to write.  As things level out, I’ll try to write more and more.  Pictures coming, I PROMISE.

Thoughts on Tuesday

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It is 5:55 am.

I have been awake for a few hours.   I made a good ol’ attempt to fall back asleep, and short of that I decided to get out of bed and eat something.

I didn’t eat very well yesterday.

I can hear Ronan coughing in his room, and it’s breaking my heart.  My throat hurts so badly I don’t want to swallow, and I know he feels just as sick as I do – but he can’t tell us.

We have had a bed time breakthrough. (Thanks to Brock!)

Apparently, we thought we were being good parents by going and checking on Ronan every 20-30 minutes after we put him in bed, despite his having difficulty falling asleep.  We didn’t want him to think he was alone, or that we didn’t care.  We would offer him a drink, a snack, a diaper change and a cuddle.

Apparently, children as  young as 23 months are able to manipulate their parents into giving them a reason to stay awake.  As of Sunday night, when he is put in bed, we do not go in again.  As of LAST night, his 2-3 hour bed time sleep battle lasted a short 25 minutes.  When he realized we weren’t coming in, he stopped playing and yelling, and he went to sleep.

Win.

My baby girl changed positions last night.  She’s always been laying down my right side with her feet at the left.  Now her bottom is straight up the center, and I don’t know where her feet are.  Suddenly, my belly feels weird.  Things are changing!

I haven’t gotten much in order since the last time I shared any updates.  I started taping off the moulding in the baby room so I could paint it PINK!  I say PINK! because it’s not a calm, quiet little pink.  Baby, that pink is PINK!  I still want to hand paint flowers on the wall, so I have to get around to that as well.

I packed a birthing bag.  One step in the right direction!

My midwife visit yesterday was rescheduled to today.  I always look forward to them, even though they are weekly now – which seems VERY frequent.

Today… TODAY we find out if Ronan got in to the 2-year program at the preschool down the street!  I am very excited!  Classes don’t start until September, but it would be great if he got a spot.

Mom and Dad bought their plane tickets.  They get here on the 16th of February.  My due date, in case you have forgotten, is the 12th of February.  It has added a whole new level of joy and anxiety to everything.  What if I haven’t had her by then?!  What if I don’t have her before they LEAVE??

No!  We still don’t have a name picked out.  HONESTLY.

Man.  Writing all this stuff out really helps.

I am really, really happy lately.  In love with my life.  I am enjoying every moment, and looking forward to the future.  I don’t write words like that very often… and it feels really nice.

~~~

I am 38 weeks and 3 days pregnant, and Ronan is 23 months old.

Getting Done.

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Things are getting done around here.

It’s slow, and not very organized, but it’s still getting done.

We’ve been cleaning and sorting and putting away.  Ronan has been in his “new” bedroom since Monday, and hasn’t had trouble adjusting at all.  Quite the contrary, (*knock on wood*) he’s been sleeping better since we moved him.  We’ve moved the lion’s share of his toys from the living room into his bedroom, and he’s incredibly excited to be in there, playing, and loves to have us go in and play WITH him.  We’ve left the queen size bed that was in there on the floor (no frame) so that he can crawl in and out of it, on it and around it.  He seems to really enjoy it, and it’s more exposure to a ‘real’ bed for the eventual switch.

I feel a little guilty that we haven’t actually done anything to his room as far as painting or decorations go, but I know he doesn’t care.

In tiny little increments, I’ve gotten the baby girl’s room started.  First it was washing the walls, then it was purchasing painting supplies.  Took me three days to tape off the areas that I want to paint, and I FINALLY got around to painting today.  The first coat of primer.  It took me less than an hour, and I can’t wait to lay the color over it.  I’ll do one more coat of primer tonight, and then start working on color tomorrow.  I haven’t been taking a whole lot of pictures along the way, but I’ll be taking pictures when I’m finished.

I’ve gone through all of Ronan’s clothes, and weeded out everything that is too small.  Those clothes are slowly making their way into boxes, and those boxes are being labelled and put into his closet.  We aren’t ready to let them go yet, as we’re not entirely sure we’re finished having children yet!

Next on the list is to get BG’s clothes washed and hung/folded where they will be used.  Then, we need a final CLEAN of our house.  My only “MUST HAVE DONE” before the baby comes that is left is to have the carpets cleaned, and I can call and schedule that at any time.

So… things are really getting done!  It’s about time too, because I’m 37 weeks tomorrow.  She could  conceivably come at ANY TIME, so the sooner we finish this stuff up, the better.

Also?  It has been nice to have this surge of energy to get things done, but when I’m finished with any given task that I set my mind to – I’m EXHAUSTED.  That being said, I’m going for a nap.

What Else Is New?

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It’s 5:50am.

I am blogging, because I am not sleeping.  Ronan woke up this morning around 4ish, and hasn’t been back to sleep yet.  Neither have I.

Brock offered to sleep in the guest room with the monitor last night so I could get a full nights sleep, and I didn’t take him up on it.  I regret it wholly and sincerely.  But I am up, and so instead of laying in bed mourning my loss of sleep, I have started to get out of bed and attempt to get things done.

I have plans for today.  I want to drop items off at the dry-cleaners.  I want to go to the Vitamin Shoppe and buy some much needed items for my labor/delivery.  I want to go to the paint store and pick out the paint for my baby girl’s room.  I want to PAINT!

I also have a midwife appointment today.  I am 35 weeks and 5 days, nearly past the hump of “prematurity” and getting to the point where I will feel comfortable going into labor whenever she decides to come.  My belly feels huge, and I can’t do much.  There is discomfort, usually positional, and I’m tired so easily.  But I’m not unhappy.  I’m not “ready to get her out” or sick of being pregnant, or any of the other things people have assumed upon me.  I am content.  I am thrilled to know her, and see her, and hold her – to feel her in my arms – but not until she is ready, set, and willing to come.

There are so few days that I haven’t enjoyed being pregnant, and I am thankful for it.  I know I want to do this again, I know I don’t want this to be the last child I carry within me.  I guess we’ll have to have the “how many kids” talk some day.  Work is getting a little more difficult, as 12 hours are a whole lot to work in a row.  My ankles have started noticeably swelling by the end of my shift, and it feels SO good to get off of my feet.  The end is near, this does not go on forever, all will be well.

Life is about to change, so certainly.  My mind is abuzz with all that is coming, all that we have yet to do.  I can’t stop thinking about my mother arriving, or making food to freeze, or getting the carpets cleaned, or, or, or.  I have baby clothes to wash, and pump parts to steralize, and a birthing bag to pack.

No reason not to get started!  It will really be here sooner than I am ready for… so it’s time to get ready.

I am 35 weeks pregnant, and Ronan is 22 months old.