Sneak a Peek of Piper

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I had my first newborn photoshoot today.

My model was 3 day old(!) Piper.  She participated so well… only pooped twice, and let me pose her over and over again.

But… damn, I have a lot to learn.  Newborn photography is NOT easy.  Dealing with changing lighting conditions is NOT easy.  Trying to compensate for mistakes you made while shooting in post-production is NOT easy.

I’m pretty happy with how some of the shots turned out.  Heck, for my first try, it’s not too bad!

Thank you SO much Becca, for letting me learn on your gorgeous little girl.  I feel incredibly lucky.

 

Tweet Story.

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It has been FOREVER since I wrote for TRDC (now called Write on Edge!) but it’s hard to ignore that the joy I get from writing creatively is immense.  The prompt this week is too good to pass up!  Write a story the length of a tweet – 140 characters.  I could do a bunch of these.  Here’s what I came up with on my first attempt.

~~

She fell in love. It didn’t even hurt. Much. She didn’t know if he loved her back, but she was going to try anyways. That’s what love does.

~~

Nursing Video

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Ok.  I’ve been filming Ruby nursing for a long time.  I don’t think I’ve ever, before now, had a video that adequately demonstrates what a session is like for us – a typical, frustrating session.

I hesitated to post it, because there is a ton of boob.  Really, a ton.  And Ruby was bottomless, but I covered that up.  (It took FOREVER.)  But I want everyone, all of you who have tried to help and offered suggestions, to see what it’s like to attempt to nurse her.  She desperately wants to – she cries when I unlatch her, when I take it away.  This nursing session was just over an hour from her previous feeding, so she’s not overly hungry or ravenous.  She’s not distracted.  This is completely typical.

I’m trusting my community and my lovely followers to know themselves, and also those of you whom I work with that troll my blog: if you don’t want to see my breast, don’t push play on the video.  That means you, Dad.

Breastfeeding Ruby – Update

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It’s been almost two weeks since I talked about breastfeeding!

Heck, it’s been almost a week since I’ve posted at all.  Whoops.

Since I last posted, I had a heartbreak.  I stopped nursing all together.  I started focusing on my pumping output, and making sure Ruby was getting enough from a bottle.  We stopped practicing all of our bottle habits – paced, upright and delayed feeding – and had just started to try to let feeding be stress free.  I haven’t been upset or frustrated, and neither has Ruby.

My pumping volumes have increased and decreased, but I’m now getting to where I have 6-7 extra ounces a day to start putting in the freezer.  I’m starting to get a freezer stash again!  I’m nearly up to 50 ounces already, and that’s more than I’ve had since early in Ruby’s life where I ended up tossing 70 ounces of ‘yeast’ milk. 

All of this being said, I nursed Ruby today.  All day today.  (Well, okay… not all day.  But every feeding.)  She would try to grab at my chest, and I softly grabbed her hands and told her sweetly, “No pinching.  Nice touches.  No pinching, Ruby.”  I pulled her hand gently away every time she pinched, and told her again, “No pinching.  Touch nice, baby.”  She would look me in the eyes, little brows furrowed, and I could tell she was frustrated… but she would stop.  She began grabbing on to my shirt, or played with my lips and teeth.  She pulled at my hair… she stopped pinching.

I did this for every feeding.  Every time, I had to talk to her, I had to tell her no pinching.  Every time, it frustrated her.  Sometimes she got so upset we ended the session early.  Sometimes she relaxed and nursed.  Either way, it made me feel like we’ve maybe made some progress. 

Dang, it felt good to nurse all day.  It really felt good.

I think I’m gonna nurse all day tomorrow too.  Then, a week or so from now, I’ll take stock and see how we’re doing.

Fingers crossed we’ll be doing even better than now.

 

Pretty Girls.

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I had a play date with my friend Hayley… our sweet girls were born just 8 days apart.

We hadn’t seen eachother in years, but it was amazing to feel like it had only been days.  And the girls had so much fun together.  It’s really incredible to see how alike two babies the same age can be and yet how different at the same time.

Prepare for the cuteness!

I LOVE how you can see both of them smiling.  McKinleigh on the left, Ruby on the right.

Their heads are the exact same shape!  Ruby on the left, McKinleigh on the right.

They kept trying to hold hands.

McKinleigh has the best “OMG HAPPY!!!!” face I’ve ever seen!

I love Ruby’s tongue in this.  They were both smiling at Brock!  Also , they have the same color eyes.

I couldn’t think of a great caption for this.  Maybe “You stink!”?I love these faces.  McKinleigh on the left, Ruby on the right. (Just in case you didn’t have them figured out yet.)

Aaaaaand…. a gratuitous shot of Ruby with a pink bow on her head.  Because… why not?

 

 

 

 

 

Summer Smiles.

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Trying to keep up with getting pictures off of my camera.  That is all.

Bed head, crummy face, bug bites and all… I just love this guy.

Baby Led Weaning!  BANANA FACE!!

The post-bath silly smiles. She is stunning in blue.

I love the softness of this.  I think it accurately conveys his sweet nature.  I want to kiss him!

World’s Best Hug.  That is happiness right there.

She is this happy!  All the time!  We are so lucky.

Little man.  Little man pants.  Suddenly so grown up.  Potty training at 2.5 years old.

Ruby is 6 months old, bouncing her way to crawling.  Ronan is 2 years and 6 months.

Wah Wah Wah.

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Wow, I bet ya’ll are all tired of hearing about Ruby and breastfeeding!  I’m tired of thinking about it, and talking about it, and worrying about it.  Seriously.

So, I wanted to clarify some things.  First, and I heard this one a lot – Ruby doesn’t hate breastfeeding.  She’s not miserable.  She loves it.  She adores clawing at my chest, and pulling back on the nipple, and biting down with her gums.  She pulls at my shirt to get to my boobs.  She dives towards them like she’s starving.  She plays with them, and smiles at them, and cuddles them in her sleep.  She doesn’t hate nursing, and I’m not forcing her to nurse.  She just has NO IDEA how to nurse without hurting me.  Her behavior changes when I don’t allow her to nurse for an extended period of time, and I feel like she misses it.  It breaks my heart a little bit.  I’m not making her miserable when we keep trying… only me.

Second – I don’t feel guilty.  How could I possibly feel guilty?  I have fought and fought for this little girl.  I have questioned everything, everyone.  I have TRIED everything.  I have done everything possible to make this work; when it doesn’t, it wont be for lack of trying.  When I give up nursing and start pumping for good, it will be because I have exhausted every option, tried every trick, called on every resource possible to me and NOT because I backed out and didn’t try hard enough.  I have no reason to feel guilt, so I don’t.

I am raising a beautiful, happy, healthy, smart, funny, wiggly little girl.  She makes me smile every single day.  She loves her brother and adores her daddy.  She is growing like a weed, meeting and exceeding all of her milestones… she just wont nurse.  That doesn’t make me a failure, or make her a bad baby.  It doesn’t mean we wont survive this.

But it also doesn’t mean I wont be sad about the loss of the sweet nursing relationship I had dreamed of as I grew her inside of me.  And it doesn’t mean I wont try again with my next child.  I have learned.  A lot.   I wont make the same mistakes again.  Maybe someone out there will learn from my mistakes, and be more successful than we have been.  Maybe good will come of this.

I haven’t given up yet.  Not quite yet.  I have a plan, I have a few more cards up my sleeve… and if they don’t work, it’s okay.  We will be okay.  I keep trying because when this ends, which it will, I will be able to look back knowing fully and completely that there was nothing else I could do – and be proud of all that I did.

I AM proud.  No matter what, I am proud of Ruby Kate, and I am proud of myself.  We are doing pretty good.

And we will be okay.