Start over. Fuck. I was pregnant. Fuck, fuck, fuck. My brain started spiraling out of control. I was leaving. I wanted to leave. I was done with this marriage, done with this man. WHAT THE HELL WERE WE THINKING?? Fuck. My thought process was unhelpful. I did not want to be pregnant. I didn’t want to be a single… Read More
History of Me: Part Twenty-Four
Start at the beginning. Ruby and I flew to Albany. We met with Doctor Kotlow, who was incredibly warm and welcoming. He said that my story was the same story he’d heard hundreds of times over. There is something wrong with my baby, and no one can figure out what it is. He did a quick evaluation on Ruby’s… Read More
History of Me: Part Twenty-Three
(Go back to the first one.) We had a baby girl. She was so sweet and delightful and tiny. She blinked sweetly and yawned sweetly and made sweet little squeaky noises. From the instant we knew her, she was little and delicate and feminine. I knew I wanted to call her Ruby. She was a Ruby! Brock wasn’t so sure,… Read More
History of Me: Part Twenty-Two
If you are new to this series, you can go back and read from the beginning here. I didn’t believe it was truly labor. It couldn’t possibly be. Ronan was an induction, so I hadn’t experienced the onset of active labor before, but surely it didn’t feel like that. Like a tightening that reached all the way up to… Read More
Hiatus
Can I take a (brief) hiatus from writing the history of me? Wait, this is my blog. My story. My space. I can do whatever I want. I have felt like I have some sort of strange attachment to only publishing my story, that the rest of my writing has fallen out. I haven’t been writing. That’s my fault. There… Read More
History of Me: Part Twenty-One
Begin with the first. I was at the top of the stairs with Ronan. I said something like, “Come on, buddy, let’s go down…” I felt my foot slip. My heel, too close to the edge of the step, didn’t grip. The world fell out from under me, and I was falling, arms thrown akimbo trying to grasp something, anything…. Read More
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