Tag Archives: Behavior

Gluten What?

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Wow.  How to dive into a topic like this one.

Some of you, or maybe many of you, know that we have taken Ronan wheat/gluten and dairy free.

TONS of you ask “Why?”

That’s a hard question to give a definitive answer to.

Ronan is a smart, sweet boy.  He is loving, and energetic and enthusiastic.  But sometimes, he’s terribly terrible.  He hits, and pushes and throws.  He will look you straight in the eye in the midst of doing something he KNOWS he shouldn’t, and then toss you a “What’re you gonna do about it?” look.  It’s easy to chalk this stuff up to normal ‘terrible twos’… but it’s even easier to question if this is how things should be.

So instead of assuming that this was ‘normal’ for our child, we challenged it.

My sweet friend Stephany told me about gluten free, and the effect it can have on behavior and development.  She described examples for me, and the success other parents have had.  Because we were already facing therapy for Ronan and his speech delay, we decided that it might not be a bad idea to take him gluten and casein free – to give him the best chance of succeeding in all of our endeavors.

What does gluten have to do with it, you ask?

I honestly don’t really know.  It was kind of a leap of faith.  Something to do with intolerance, and overloading the gut, and lactic acid?  If you google “Can gluten affect my child’s behavior?” you will get THOUSANDS of hits saying exactly that.  I’m sure there is a ton of science out there.  I’m sure there are testimonials.  The only one I need is mine.

Ronan has been gluten free for several weeks.  We went dairy free too, as many intolerances go hand in hand.  We nearly imperceptibly noticed that Ronan became quieter, calmer, more patient.  His yelling and screeching stopped.  He began asking politely for things, unprompted.  His speech and vocabulary has improved by light-years.  His independent play has become less about crashing and throwing, more about movement and learning.  He likes to sit and look at books, instead of tearing them.  He likes to SIT.  We enjoyed the ‘new’ Ronan without making a big deal about it, but continued to stay GFCF.

And then…

Then, on Sunday, we went to a birthday party.  And this momma didn’t plan ahead – birthday cakes have gluten.  AND dairy.  And I didn’t bring an acceptable alternative.  We couldn’t tell him no.

So he had cake.

I wish I could accurately describe to you the transformation we saw in our boy.  It was IMMEDIATE.  It wasn’t a sugar high, and it wasn’t excitement.  It was like a full on caffeine, crack, whacked out demon had taken him over.  For three days now, Ronan has been a screeching, yelling, hitting, tantrum throwing angry little person.  The contrast is impossible to ignore.  The farther out we get from cake day, the better, more level he becomes.

So we will remain gluten and dairy free for an indefinite amount of time.

And I can’t wait to get my quiet, sweet, patient little boy back.

Two Little Boys.

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There are two little boys running around my house lately.

There is the one that is quiet, and plays independently.  He’s the one that is a little angel for his father.  He eats without making a mess, doesn’t throw toys, and doesn’t hit anyone.  He can be left to his own devices for sometimes hours at a time.  He takes naps and goes to bed without crying.

I have never met this child.  I only get to play with the ‘other’ boy.

I get to play with the little boy that needs momma to do everything WITH him.  The one that is always pulling on my hand and whining, no matter what it is that he wants.  The one that will stare at me as he throws a toy, and then scream with outrage when I take it away.  The one that kicks and squirms and squeals through every single diaper change.  This boy doesn’t want to stay home, but can’t be managed in public.  He cries all the way up the stairs for naps.  He is frustrated and impatient and always seems unhappy.

I was not aware I was raising two little boys.  Nor, was I aware of the difference between a mother and a father, and how that could manifest in the behavior of a single child.  I cannot put into words the feeling that emerges when I wake up from sleeping all day (after a hectic night shift) and am told, “Ronan was a little angel today.  He’s been so good!” only to have him wake up from a nap, see me, and become the little monster boy that I’ve played with all week.  “I don’t understand.  He wasn’t like this while you were sleeping.”

I am told this is the way of things.  I am told this is how children behave with their mothers, rather than every other person that keeps them.  I am told this is normal and to expect it.

But it doesn’t stop me from wishing I got to play with the other boy.

Found But So Lost.

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I have this sense of serenity.  A peace and yet excitement about the future that I haven’t had in a long time.  I feel like I know where I’m going, and there is a definite path to get there.  No wondering, hoping, or being let down by someone else.  This one is all about me.

Yet…

Yet Ronan is an enigma.  His sleep has fallen to bits, his behavior is atrocious, and his attitudes are killer.  He hits and throws toys with reckless abandon.  He busts out a monumental fit at the drop of a hat.  We can’t reliably take him ANYWHERE.  Brock and I are at our collective wits end about how to deal with him, and what the cause is.  Teething? Doesn’t look like it.  Ears?  He checked out clean at the ped today.  Lack of sleep?  That’s probably it, but we can’t get the kid to sleep lately!

Last night, he was up until nearly 8 o’clock after being put in bed at 6:30.  He woke at 2am.  And then 2:30.  And then 3.  So on, and so forth until around 5am.  He then woke at his normal time, 7:30am after getting so little sleep that I can’t believe he’s functioning.

Also, keep in mind this is the same kid that just a few short weeks ago was going to bed at 5:30 every night, and sleeping until 8:30 every morning, PLUS a 2 hour nap!  If he woke in the night, a few minutes of being left alone he would go back to sleep.  Now?  Now, he may be poopy.  So EVERY SINGLE WAKE UP, I have to go check on him.

And I have to say, it’s not that it’s so terrible that I can’t handle it.  I think it’s the not knowing. Is this normal behavior stuff?  Is he stressing because we’re stressing (jobs, money, new babies, stuff)?  Or is there something physically going on that we just aren’t figuring out?

It’s the not knowing that kills me.

Every day is pretty terrible… but every day is pretty wonderful too!  There are a lot of great moments.  Lots of kisses, cuddles, laughs… he makes us laugh every single day.

I’m not wishing time away.  I’m just hoping that things get a little better, so we feel level again.  Because right now, when it comes to Ronan, I feel pretty lost.