Start over. Fuck. I was pregnant. Fuck, fuck, fuck. My brain started spiraling out of control. I was leaving. I wanted to leave. I was done with this marriage, done with this man. WHAT THE HELL WERE WE THINKING?? Fuck. My thought process was unhelpful. I did not want to be pregnant. I didn’t want to be a single… Read More
History of Me: Part Fourteen
Part One. I worked the rest of the week, feeling tender and uncomfortable. I couldn’t breathe in deeply, and I had no appetite, but nothing seemed to be physically amiss; baby boy was doing well, my cervix wasn’t changing, and I could find no reason for my pain. It would come and go in waves, unrelated to when I… Read More
History of Me: Part Twelve
Part One. Things moved so quickly. Our beautiful October wedding suddenly became a July wedding when one-quarter of our wedding party was given orders to be sent overseas. While most of life went on as usual, Brock and I started working out at the gym every morning, and wedding planning was nearly all I thought about. I say nearly all,… Read More
History of Me: Part Eight
Part One is here. Brock loved me. I loved him. We dove in just like that. Those two weeks were a whirlwind. Restaurant dates and lake days and every moment spent together without pause. We laughed so much. The new love butterflies that catch you and take you over. “Where did my lips go?” (Try kissing someone and then smiling… Read More
History of Me: Part Six
New here? Start back at Part 1. I closed my eyes, and tried to summon the courage to put my hand on his… … and before I opened them, I felt his hand reach out and take mine. I swear, my heart literally exploded in my chest. We didn’t even make eye contact, we just sat there in the… Read More
History of me: Part Four
Read Part One HERE. Read Part Two HERE. Read Part Three HERE. “I know this is going to hurt, and I’m sorry. I can’t watch him lie to you any longer. Steve is dating someone else.” I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t feel. I couldn’t think. It’s hard to describe what it feels like when your gut and your intuition are… Read More