Funny how a new one will change what you think.

My first pregnancy was terrible – a sham.  I was so excited, so desperate for a child, so ready to be a mom.  I wanted to wonder and revel in every moment of growing a human being.  I used to dream about how magical the experience would be, I used to sit and imagine how amazingly my body would change.  Instead… I hated every second of it.  I was so unprepared for the discomfort, the changes, the reality of being pregnant.  I told myself I was just not a ‘good pregnant woman’.  I couldn’t understand how there were those that said they LOVED being pregnant, loved pregnancy.

And then…

…and then I had two miscarriages.  Two lost little lives.  Two moments of unbearable excitement and desperate pain.  A third positive pregnancy test… filled with hope and doubt, guarding my heart against another stolen dream.  But with each passing day, this baby grew – bigger, stronger, more complete – more real.

Nothing is different this time around.  The nausea, exhaustion, aches, fatigue, moodiness – it’s all the same.  Some of it’s even worse.  Only this time, I DO revel in it.  I allow myself to enjoy every single moment.

Because I am carrying a child.  I am creating life.  I am thankful.

And I LOVE being pregnant.

Ronan is 18 months old and I am 17 weeks pregnant.