Following up my 3 day marathon post of a story, I haven’t got much to say.

Ronan was a complete bear last night.  He didn’t go to sleep easily or well, he was up at 10 and didn’t go back down until 2 am.  Yes, I’m serious.  I tried for almost 2 hours to put him to sleep.  All of my usual tricks did nothing.

We are starting something new.  I’m taking a page out of the books of a few of my friends.  We’re doing a super strict schedule, which means meal times, nap times and wake times at the SAME time every day.  We’re going to be more strict about bed time, and staying in bed.  We’re going to get this under control.  We have to, before I snap.

I have been depressed, and not getting anything done.  No energy, no drive, no desire.  I’m wasting my life away.  I think most of it can be contributed to sleep deprivation and exhaustion.  I can’t keep living like this, and it’s NOT better for Ronan than a happy, well rested mom would be.

Wish me luck.

You know you have those days.

The ones where you’re so preoccupied with something that you cant get it out of your head?  The ones where you get so caught up in your own life that you can’t find the way to pull yourself out?

I’ve been having one of those weeks.  I didn’t blog TWO entire days this week.  Every time I sat down and started thinking about what I would write, I felt sick to my stomach.  I haven’t cleaned my house, I haven’t done any laundry, I haven’t even been able to make it to the public library, which was my goal for the week.

Three lovely ladies came to my rescue yesterday, and invited me out of my house and out of my head.  I couldn’t have needed it more, and we had such a great time at the mall.  I probably wouldn’t have left the lair if it weren’t for you, Steph, and I appreciate it so much.  Thank you.

I guess I’ll give some news.

In Ronan-land, we started signing “Please” this week.  It’s very adorable.  He rubs himself from shoulder to belly button.  More like “PLEASE!”… but we get the point, and it seems he does too.

Also, Ronan woke six times last night.  Things seem to be getting better, and then they just jump off a cliff, all the way down to the bottom again.  He hasn’t woken six times in a night in so long, and it’s very discouraging.  We have him in his own bedroom now, on a mattress on the floor.  One of us sleeps with him, as we thought it would a little traumatic to suddenly throw him into a different room and leave him alone when he’s been co-slept for the last 12 months.

I really don’t know what else to say.  This hasn’t been a good week.  I have my fingers crossed that next week turns out better.  Eternally optimistic.

One of the things they tell you when you start changing things is to only change one at a time.  That way, you’ll know what it is that you did that caused the improvement.

I never listen.

We started Ronan on his reflux medicine, but around the same time I started trying a new ‘going to bed’ method.  It’s the one where I lay down next to him, and I MAKE him stay laying down, but I don’t help him fall asleep at all.  There is a little bit of fussing, a little bit of crying, but no rocking, singing, nursing or anything.  He just has to go to sleep on his own.

The first night, it took an hour.  The second night, it took 20 minutes.  Last night, it took 2 minutes.  And his sleep stretches have gotten as long as 5 hours.  You know, for us, that is as good as 12.

I don’t know what’s made the biggest difference.  We’ve noticed a big reduction in the amount he’s been refluxing, and how upset he gets when it happens.  Maybe it’s a combination of both.  All I’m hoping is that saying this out loud wont jinx us.

Please, don’t let it jinx us.

**I just put Ronan down for the night, and it took him about 30 seconds to fall asleep.  Holy moly, YES!  Also, I started using “California Baby” soap products tonight because of eczema and a nagging skin rash he’s had for a while.  Lets see if we can FIX everything.**

Edit: 10:09 pm.

Ronan is still awake.  He woke up after about an hour.  He has been up since then, despite all of my efforts.  Nothing ever gets better.  Nothing improves.  I should probably just let him cry it out, because that would probably be better than the impulse I have to hold a pillow over him.  What the hell did we ever do to deserve this?

At my house, anyways!

Brock gave me my present last night.  It was a sleeping pill.  And a free night off from the baby.
I slept in the guest room, where I took my little blue Unisom pill, and a bottle of water.  I laid my head down at 8:30pm, and I didn’t rise to the surface of my slumber until 5:30 this morning.  I think the pain of needing to pump woke me – I’ve never gone 9 hours without nursing or pumping before!  So I came downstairs, pumped, and then got back in bed with Brock and Ronan, where I slept for another two hours.

I feel like a million bucks.

I wish it was Christmas every day.