What helps?

Hundreds and possibly thousands of messages.

Instagram and Facebook and text and words. Hugs and gifts. All poured out with love and concern. All given with the most caring of hearts. All sharing the same sentiment.

“I don’t know what to say.”

The truth is, nothing helps and everything hurts. The truth is the words are all pain. Pain in love and pain in suffering and pain in loss. Everything hurts.

I’m so sorry.

I hate this for you.

I can’t imagine.

I wish we could change it.

I wish we could bring him back.

I see you.

I feel you.

I hear you.

I love Rory. I miss him with you.

Everything hurts like the gaping open wound that it is. Everything hurts every moment. There is no balm or salve. There is no bandaid. There is no healing, save time.

But that same truth? The same one is that everything helps. Every single word of memory, of concern, of caring. Every single time I know and feel and believe that someone remembers Rory with me.

Nothing helps and everything helps.

When you have gone through this most terrible of terribles, and been on this journey – you are given a perspective that no one wants to have. You are given a gift that everyone you know has spent their entire life avoiding, fearing, worrying, manouvering around. Thanking all that is bigger than they are for not having.

The perspective is this: There is beauty in all things painful. There is pain in all things beautiful.

You will never again see pain without noticing the beauty. You will never again see beauty without also seeing the pain.

Some of you are lucky enough to have gained this perspective with us. Lucky enough to not have to have lost your own child to see this new facet of the gem of life.

It is a perspective I did not want, and would give back in a moment… but I am thankful for the view it has provided me.

RoryKai