I didn’t sleep well last night.

 

How ironic, the music playing right now is, “Don’t wake me, I plan on sleeping in…” by The Postal Service.  I wish.  I sat up on the couch last night, reading a fantastic book.  One of the silly J.D Robb books, the last so far in the series, but by far my favorite.  I think the reason that I couldn’t sleep was, every time I put the book down and lay and bed, I couldn’t help but wonder about the rest of the book.  I finally finished the novel around 3:30, and drifted off to sleep almost immediately.  I don’t know why I got so drawn in.  Or maybe I do.

 

I have jealousy issues, I have been very open about this in the past.  I’m very open about it with Brock, and every one else that it might cause trouble for.  Really, that’s just me and Brock, but I drag my mom in to it every now and then.  In this book, it was “Innocence in Death”, the main characters are Eve and Roarke.  They are happily married, and madly in love.  This bit that caught me, though, wasn’t even the story… just a sub-plot.  One of Roarkes old lovers, from years and years ago, abruptly stumbled back into his life.  Eve, who had never had a jealous moment before (being mature and grown up about her very attractive husband’s past,) was torn into by this woman’s presence.  It wasn’t enough that she was prettier, smarter, more suited for Roarke… but he seemed to have a blind spot for her.  Eve didn’t know how to deal with the fear that took residence in her gut, and every time she tried to tell Roarke how she felt, they ended up fighting.

I read this book with tears running down my face nearly the whole time.  I kept thinking, “I know… I know!  I know how this feels.”  I was sorry for her, and yet the reactions she was having were physically and emotionally present in me as I read it.  It was so real, so accurate… I hated myself for feeling that way, and at the same time hoped that the author came to a conclusion that I could use in my own life.

 

Well, Roarke’s love for Eve was stronger than steel, and a tall, blonde bimbo couldn’t come between them.  Plus, Eve got to punch the b-word in the face.  That was the solution.  No help for me there.  Most of my jealousies are self imagined, and self introduced.  Probably time for me to start putting those away… becuase Brock loves me that much too.