I had a thought yesterday.  Well, more than one really.  But this was an interesting one.  I thought that I might take my Xanga back and lose the whole ‘subscribers’ and ‘comments’ aspect.  Because, don’t get me wrong at all, I LOVE the comments that I get.  I enjoy that interaction with other people… but sometimes I feel like the me gets lost.  I hate that moment where I wonder why I don’t get as many reads as I used to.  I don’t like thinking about the fact that I’m not a ‘True’ Xanga user.  I don’t want to be someone that is more worried about what everyone else is doing than just the writing that I came here for. 

I guess I decided not to change anything for now.  Mostly because I enjoy reading my subscriptions so very much, I would probably be bummed if someone made the same move that I thought about.  It really has nothing to do with privacy, or being worried about how people take what I write… more just about getting caught up in the extras.

Here is my drama.  (Or a little of it.)

I asked my “old” best friend Kristin to be one of my bridesmaids for the wedding.  She and I were really very close when I lived in South Dakota, and since I left I’ve missed her very much.  We used to do just about everything together… and now she still hangs out with my ex.  That hurt me a little bit – she’s supposed to be on my side.  Then, I found out that her actual best friend is getting married to her long time sweetheart the following weekend, and had planned their “bachellorette” party for the same weekend as my wedding.

I can’t lie when I say that I was incredibly hurt.  I thought that she had made plans to get out of coming to my wedding, and that she just didn’t have the guts to tell me so.  I figured that she wasn’t coming, so I went ahead and asked a ‘reserve’ friend to be the replacement. 

Yesterday, I told her that I had asked someone else because of her prior commitments… and she flipped!  She was so hurt and upset that I hadn’t told her what was going on.  She didn’t know Amanda had “planned” a bachellorette party (“that’s supposed to be MY job” she told me) and if she had known, she would have made Amanda change it.  She was so excited to fly out here, meet Brock, and be a part of my wedding… that I realized I had broken both of our hearts on an assumption.

I apologized and told her my arse was showing; I didn’t have any right to jump to that conclusion, and even though I’d asked another girl to join the wedding party, I want Kristin there more than anything.  I told her I was glad that she got mad at me about it, because otherwise I might have thought that she really didn’t care.  So if now I have 5 bridesmaids, and Brock only has 4 groomsmen, that’s ok.  Also, if he ends up asking one of my brothers to make up the difference.  Or both.  Because I have two brothers.  And then I need another Bridesmaid.  Hmm… does that work?  Should he really ask BOTH of my brothers, and we end up with six groomsmen?  Wedding parties that big look silly to me.  Arg.

Also.  I got my phone bill from my trip to Canada yesterday.  It was 700 dollars. 

I know, right?  Who makes 700 dollars worth of phone calls on an 8 day trip?  I called and yelled for a while and they refunded 250 bucks.  So… better than nothing, but still more than I would ever really be willing to spend on a phone.  Crap.