I took two days off. I don’t really know why… I have been so good about posting every day, it just didn’t come to me yesterday. Or the day before.
Today, I’m watching the Biggest Loser. I effin love this show.
So, I’m planning a birthday party for Ronan. Only, sort of. I’m totally unable to handle doing things like this. I don’t want to have a bunch of people at my house, and I don’t want to try to make sure everyone has fun. We have a ton of friends without kids that we want to come, and a ton of friends WITH kids that we want to come. How do I make sure that everyone is having fun? No one will know each other.
I know, I’m stressing over this for nothing. It will just be fun, I know it. It’s not a big deal. I don’t know why I’m so anxious about it. Same as everything else with this kid: it seems a lot scarier when I’m thinking about it than when I’m actually doing it.
In other news, Ronan has the funniest poop squat ever. He always goes to the dog crate to poop. It’s hilarious.
Okay, so what else is going on?
Evidently, in my last post about sleep, some people that I care about very much felt like I was implying that they lie to me about their children sleeping.
First, I want to apologize. It was never my intention to behave as though I think that everyone lies. Nor was it my intent to act as though the fact that your children DO sleep through the night is something bad or that you should be ashamed of, regardless of how you got them there.
My point REALLY was that I used to lie to people about how Ronan sleeps. I got so tired of hearing people telling me that I just need to let him cry, or that there must be something wrong with him because he doesn’t sleep, that when I was asked if he sleeps through the night, I would simply answer “Yes.”
I lied because it felt like I needed to. I was tired of feeling like I was a failure as a parent because he didn’t sleep. I don’t feel that way any more. I don’t equate sleep with skill. To me, they simply don’t connect. Maybe that’s my way of protecting myself, but I really feel like every child is different. And it’s okay that mine doesn’t sleep.
So. I’m sorry. I don’t hate you because your baby sleeps, and always has. I don’t think any of YOU are lying to me about it. But, hells yes I’m JEALOUS! I know my time will come. And I’m okay with how things are.
It’d be really nice if my next kid could sleep through the night. I could really just love that.
