“L.A.’s fine, but it ain’t home. New York’s home, but it ain’t mine no more.”
I walked into the office I knew so very well. It had an old sort of comfortableness to it. Like driving by the house you grew up in. Or visiting your elementary school.
I had so many nerves. I was shaking in parts of my belly that I had never even felt before. Nervous about seeing old friends, old co-workers. Nervous about being treated differently. Nervous about being treated the same.
And then there were smiles. And hugs. Faces that were so welcome that it brought tears to my eyes. Laying down and realizing all that I had loved and missed was still there. Jokes from a man I adore and respect so much. Idle chatter with the sweetest girl I’ve ever known, knowing she understands how I feel. Fighting tears and emotions because I’m so, so very hormonal… but that’s not the only reason why.
I miss this place. I miss this life. But you can never go back.
Hearing the doctor say, “Everything looks great. I think your baby is going to be fine,” sets my heart at ease, my fears to rest. It was a wonderful moment, and yet not the best part of today.
The best part was a hug and a phone call from someone I had thought lost to me. The best part had smiles and the sharing of pictures and stories. The best part was feeling a little bit at home for a little bit of a moment.
I wouldn’t let anything, or anyone ruin that for me.
I love you guys. And I miss you.
