Funny how a new one will change what you think.
My first pregnancy was terrible – a sham. I was so excited, so desperate for a child, so ready to be a mom. I wanted to wonder and revel in every moment of growing a human being. I used to dream about how magical the experience would be, I used to sit and imagine how amazingly my body would change. Instead… I hated every second of it. I was so unprepared for the discomfort, the changes, the reality of being pregnant. I told myself I was just not a ‘good pregnant woman’. I couldn’t understand how there were those that said they LOVED being pregnant, loved pregnancy.
And then…
…and then I had two miscarriages. Two lost little lives. Two moments of unbearable excitement and desperate pain. A third positive pregnancy test… filled with hope and doubt, guarding my heart against another stolen dream. But with each passing day, this baby grew – bigger, stronger, more complete – more real.
Nothing is different this time around. The nausea, exhaustion, aches, fatigue, moodiness – it’s all the same. Some of it’s even worse. Only this time, I DO revel in it. I allow myself to enjoy every single moment.
Because I am carrying a child. I am creating life. I am thankful.
And I LOVE being pregnant.
Ronan is 18 months old and I am 17 weeks pregnant.
